Many of us accommodate stress and anxiety - its daily tiptoeing into our bodies has become so normal that soon enough, go-go-go is the inner set-point for living our lives. The only rest the body can find then, is in the form of sleep, simply due to exhaustion. We hear it frequently during Savasana don't we, the one snoring somewhere in the corner of the room, or the rhythmic whistling exhale of another. Sleep overcoming the body is not the same as the body knowing how to be at rest. Somewhere down the line, the body has forgotten its own natural state of rest, only finding it when taken over by sleep.
That being at the physical level, there are many experiences on the mental level where we find similar blind spots, where we skip from one state to the other without an in-between. Like a body that only knows rest as sleep, a mind that doesn't know how to let go of things, will experience "letting go" as "giving up" - they're perceived as one and the same. Giving up sees no way forward - when that thing we're pushing still won't be pushed, we give up: "well, I've tried everything". Being overcome by futility makes us stop. Letting go on the other hand, seems to carry its own consciousness, and it arrives well in advance of giving up, but our blind spot prevents us from seeing it. It knows when it's wise to ease up; and because of that very courage that letting go enacts, it already knows that a channel forward will be made. To let go gives space for what will come next, to give up results from unmet demand. Letting go allows the breeze of life to move in and move through, it freshens and ultimately it inspires. It allows life to move as it knows how to, as well as to heal and to recover in the way that only life can. If we can learn to let go before we need to give up...
Vanessa
*image credit: Antoinette Biehlmeier on Unsplash
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Muni's are the silent Ones. Having chosen a life of sacred silence, they are deeply in the observance of Mauna, realizing its beauty and its life, and the reality of time there. When I am settled, quiet is something that I can be; and I can let the quiet settle me down, and I can become quiet enough that I truly enjoy listening to silence, but it's contained within a sense of time - I know that the rhythm will shift and my day moves on to things where my personality picks up again. There is a relief in this. "How unbearable might it be...", my mind wonders, to commit to a deep connected silence for an undetermined length of time, within oneself. What kind of a storm could it kick up? Or would the silence see me through that storm? My mind moans and groans, and wanders and wonders whether I'd have that sort of courage. My mind prefers to wrestle with the thoughts, instead of simply sitting myself down and doing it - indicating that I'm picking up on the strength of that which is silent, and of those Ones who choose to live by it.
We're so misaligned with the understanding of silence in our modern world - associating it with "ghosting", leaving an email unattended, or being lackadaisical about holding up our end of a friendship. But this isn't silence. For those of us who love silence, and yearn to welcome it within the rhythm of our day, how can we move it from our meditation into the body of our experience? Can there be silence in closing the kitchen cupboard or gazing at the horizon? Is silence present in another footstep or while washing our hands? Can silence be held within a wordless prayer, or felt as it's embodied by breath? Silence, not of voice, but woven through gesture, body and mind, threaded like fabric into existence. Consistently. And when I sit, how can I bear to be with silence a little longer, and a little longer - can I wait through the storm for its emergent beauty, rising like an embrace, or a fragrant zephyr, a black pearl or crimson light, or droplets of dew on the grasses. Can I wait 'til then?
Vanessa
*image by Timo Wagner on Unsplash (original image cropped)
]]>There are a tonne of people doing a tonne of such great work in the world right now. I'm not talking about big names who speak of the Gita then punch someone on stage during a televised awards show; I'm talking about everyday people, who are holding the heart of this world together. Many of you, who are reading this now, are doing such things, contributing to the upliftment of our world, wholeheartedly committed in your efforts. I've met those of you who are doing everything from helping loved ones back to wellbeing, to rehabilitating a small patch of earth for a thriving garden, to those of you envisioning larger projects in support of wellbeing within your community network.
But the current rate of atrocity in our world seems an equal match. This is our very species acting out these events, they're human to human, or human toward other species or living systems - the list is mounting atop an already very scarred terrain.
However, having said that, are the laws of balance still in effect? The frequency with which these events are occurring means, that our compassion is being called forward at the same rate. Compassion moves like the rhythm of the inner ocean, there is deep cohesiveness to its structure, and we know it to be a gradual yet powerful tide. If we look at today's circumstances one way, we will drown in it - we will, the media will be sure of that; or, if we consider Yoga's foundation as that of protecting Life, is this recurrent swell of compassion a counterbalance that's edging us toward Life again - through the individual? Is it our very heart response - of you and me, that will bring us through these times collectively?
A changing world is nothing new, but the consistent rise of compassion and its cohesive nature means that it's no longer a question of "wanting" to transform, instead we are being transformed. Our compassion is being called forward with such frequency that we can't help but be transformed by it. Even the most resistant among us are feeling it. Could the light from our hearts outflourish the density of these times? Are we each like a mirror ball, shimmering flashes of light that are landing in places we don't know they're reaching, and never knew was possible.
Vanessa
*image by fidel fernando on unsplash
]]>My first journey through India began in early October 2005 when I left Mumbai from the Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus train station. Sitting closer to the eastern side of India, it was early December before I reached the village of Bodhgaya. Bodhgaya being the place of enlightenment of the Great Buddha, is now (naturally), a sacred place of pilgrimage for Buddhists. Even I, I realize now, arrived there on a pilgrimage of my own, rake thin and weathered, carrying my backpack and wearing clothes that just always looked dirty at this point. Western comprehension of such a journey is in stark contrast to that of the East. The relative comfort of having traveled cross continent by Indian train (including the over-crowded, rock-hard wooden benches of 2nd class at some points) was radically swift and privileged in comparison to the Buddhist pilgrims who reach Bodhgaya from Tibet and beyond, prostrating themselves every step of the way, their resolute journey of Devotion taking them three years or thereabouts, to reach Bodhgaya. Whether my outset to this village began three years previously I will never know, but the timeline of the Tibetan pilgrimage to that of mine, when running parallel, clearly defines that in reality, there is no Time, there is only Devotion, and how we go about living out that Devotion.
The construct of manmade Time removes a devotional quality from our experience because we'll generally answer first and foremost to it. Though impermanence is the fullest expression of Life, manmade Time ironically has a finality to it. It faces us with death as an end point. This back-of-the-mind awareness inspires both good and bad in people; and one quality that it will awaken is (im)Patience.
My level of patience for riding the Indian train, and the patience of a pilgrim prostrating himself along a three year journey to his destination are worlds apart. The immediacy of the train's availability triggers an illusory entitlement of expectations being met; we assume that things will be as we plan them to be, on schedule, and with few disruptions or inconveniences. When real life interrupts those expectations the destructiveness of Impatience arises. It's our perspective on Time and what we think it's meant to hold, that creates that pressure cooker.
Patience is a key element in the practice of Asteya (Yoga's 3rd Yama of Non-stealing). This can be a tough one to address because Impatience is impulsive, filled with "I want what I want". But asteya is best experienced after having learned the hard way, when we almost seem to relish the wisdom gained because at last we know better.
Learning from challenge and overcoming insecurities are pretty much the same thing, and both increase Patience. Impatience usually rests on an insecurity of believing that there is something we "don't have" or "will lose", so we seek, and we seek quickly to fill it or save it. Our inner world shrinks into the fear based, lower mind, causing impatience...which is a demanding energy. And this demand that impatience is, is forceful, whether it be of another person or a situation, we try to make it meet the inner demand.
To demand is to take what isn’t naturally or gracefully available to us in the moment...we either take what isn’t ours or we take through pushing the timing of something. When we're taking it's from an undeveloped inner space (that insecurity mentioned earlier), think about how many bad relationships exist because we were impatient to be in one, or we don’t like facing loneliness or aloneness...from friendships to intimate relationships to “bad” clients. The more impatient we become, the further out of alignment we travel, and we compensate by forcing or pushing someone or something into our regime.
This is where we falter in character. Most of us carry good intent, so why would we want to falter when what we could do instead is test the strength of our patience, increase it’s current ability to contain more, so that we're more grounded in patience in our life. Impatience gives us the opportunity to question what is it that I'm really feeling about this situation? Fear? Lack of Control? Lack of Trust? Overwhelming distraction?
If we can reign in our actions by slowing down to understand our inner world, we broaden our perspective; we might need to learn a thing or two, but at least then we'll meet the moment from a wise position, we'll then uphold the person we actually envision ourselves to be. There is patience in admitting "I want to know better. I want to do better. I want to be better...than I am right now"...from the heart, this is a devotional approach to Life...it's not in the perfection, it's in the willingness.
All of us have had moments of feeling that Life just dropped Grace into our hands; and the awe, this being struck dumb, is when we're really comprehending and understanding Life. We don't comprehend them with the lower mind, we comprehend them through how fully alive they make us feel in the moment as it is. We don't have a need for anything more. This is contentment. Given the chance, life meets expectation beyond our dreams, showing us that Life has its own plans for us and we're better off to trust that. So when we try to make a push through circumstance or other people, we're really taking from ourselves.
top image credit: Photo by 和 平 on Unsplash
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Valentine
The Ocean of Consciousness within the human heart is second only to Agni (Fire), and stands ahead of the Consciousness of Darkness (or, the intelligence of silence). These are the three Oceans in which we're birthed. Can we rest in how precious that is...
Rest in it long enough to wonder: When there is love have we said first, I will not harm you when I love you?
Our human love longs for recognition, this longing brings with it frailty and brokenness. Yet deeper than that, in the Ocean of the Heart Consciousness, the giving of love is inborn in our Being. It doesn't host that need for recognition from another, yet we are not at peace when we have nowhere for it to flow.
Leaving the key behind and thinking for two, the mind decides that if love is going unrecognized, then it's best to pack the heart in a box and bring it up to its own attic for safekeeping, in storage with the old relics it has also entrusted itself with. Placing it alongside things that have been there long enough for webs to build and dust to collect in their weaving.
No matter how many years that boxed love endures that attics' sweltering summer heat and winter chill, it is forever young on that grace filled day when it tumbles down those attic steps while we were up there looking for something else.
The heart’s kingdom is vast. It's in a realm of no-time. And it's in a realm of regeneration. When love has tumbled back to the heart’s domain it lands like a person coming in from an exhilarating walk in the wind. We're transported to a realm that the mind claims not to exist.
The heart has its own voice; and when it's kept clear, swept of dust and clutter, freshened by an open window, the attic of the mind can and will hear the heart's words, and it will respond lovingly and kindly. It will find strength from love that flows because it has no opportunity then, to impose its frailty.
The Ocean of Consciousness of the Heart can carry a million stars and a million wounds, still leaving us able to stand strong beat after beat after precious beat.
This is how miraculous we are.
And so have we checked in with: I will not harm you when I love you.
]]>Recently, I led a class where, as a group, we discussed Asteya (the 3rd Yogic Yama of non-stealing). When leading classes on the Yamas, I like to consider the antidote to each…in this case, our own value and what we genuinely contribute to the world. The more firmly rooted we are in the knowing of our own value and what we have to offer means that we naturally have no orientation toward “stealing”. Our class conversation took shape around the concept that we’re born into Oneness, as infants we’re still harmonized with that from which we came. As babies, all our needs are met without question…we’re hungry then we’re fed, we’re tired then we nap, we need a bath and we’re bathed. Our whole world however small at that time, is oriented toward our own needs and we hold no concept of lack.
However, beginning very young, experiences start popping up, experiences that bring a subtle yet dawning awareness of an “other” and suddenly, we’re experiencing all that’s impermanent in life because we’ve become aware of material consciousness. This movement of Prakriti is perceived pretty early on in life…and it brings with it a new knowledge of that which is “changeable”, that which is an “other”. These experiences that bring us there are subtle, and perhaps not particularly memorable, but they build on one another; and I wonder, is this awareness of “other” meant to happen? So many people want to reach Moksha or Nirvana as though it would be an achievement, seemingly identifying at all with Prakriti as a bad thing, but the very want to reach Moksha is Prakriti itself. This movement of Prakriti is natural, and it is also seemingly necessary as it seeps in to our development by nature. Prakriti is what is necessary to draw us back to the Brahman, that Oneness we were born experiencing, they are two sides of the same coin. Are these experiences meant to be a way of leading us away from Oneness so that we can learn what Oneness is, and then exercise our free will back toward that.
The problem lies not in Prakriti itself, but in what we've done with Prakriti in our systematized modern culture. The system of society is structured in such a way that, it grabs this young, new awareness of “other” and runs with it. That open vulnerability of being in such a new awareness is immediately bombarded with media images and surrounds that tell us how much we need. And, being so young, experiencing the tenderness of a new awareness, we’re not emotionally or mentally developed enough to fend off the onslaught…we just keep up and grow up into a belief that we are Prakriti, and the result is that general inner sense of lack. If we could have reached a level of maturation mentally and emotionally in the quiet of traditional values first, learning the observance of Prakriti, we may not have had the vulnerability of being force-fed lack. Our group came to see how complex an issue Asteya really is in our world…it is so multi layered and multi faceted…in both tangible and intangible ways. As Asteya is so awareness oriented, it cannot stand on its own, the awareness needs to come from our work done with Satya, which helps us perceive Prakriti hopefully with some intelligence. And so, it seems, Asteya isn’t necessarily so action-oriented itself, but is instead the mindfulness of value and truth in hopes of bringing about right-action, depending on what we choose. Food for thought.
**Image credit: By Khokarahman - Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=37528449
]]>I was considering "hope" after having read an article that described “hope” as a false experience that we’re all being fooled by. Feeling more like a defiant Charlie Brown in my response (head tossed back, with all that's left to see is his blip of a nose and tears squirting out the sides of his face) than wanting to accept this, I asked the article in front of me: “What are you talking about? Sometimes I feel like hope is the only thing I’ve got!”. So I dropped this notion altogether.
But the next few days kept bringing it to mind and it led me to question whether “trust” or "faith" is a higher form of “hope”?
Jumping tracks before coming full circle, let's consider the hummingbird. They can migrate distances of up to 2000 miles, and I'm sure the weather isn't all clear through every mile. But they know, they know where they need to be and they know they'll get there. A hummingbird doesn't consider that it will need "trust" for its journey because it already IS trusting, it's already at one with trust, and it moves forward from there. A hummingbird is so united with trust that his skills of discernment are developed in the way that takes him there. Trust for the hummingbird isn't something to gain or acquire or learn, it just is. It's simple, like everything else that is Truth.
Hummingbirds don't complicate decisions with fears of whether making a slightly eastward or westward curve on its way south will be right or wrong. He doesn't pack it in then, becoming overwhelmed with indecision. He doesn't complicate fears and doubts and their resulting multi-layered decisions, on top of his trust so as to confuse himself. He just trusts, leaving it for what it is, accepting it as it is in its simplicity, instead of making a convoluted mess of decisions.
So it's not trust that's the issue, it's the garbage heap of indecision we pile on top of it that's the issue...that's what separates us from trust...and that's what leaves us clinging to "hope". So things are more a matter of, how willing we are to release what separates us from trust, let go of grasping that wall, and question whether we're actually feeling entitled to keep holding that wall as a justification not to trust. It's not easy, so this is not flippant, but the choice is really ours. Are we able to quiet that questioning and uncertainty of the mind enough, to connect with trust...to choose trust more frequently over the indecision, as our way to connect with the trust that is already inside of us?
I drew a similarity from Santosha (which is Yoga's second Niyama of Contentment). When we come to experience Santosha, we understand and accept the difference between “happiness” and “contentment”. Happiness being a somewhat fleeting feeling because of its dependence on an outer experience; whereas contentment is an inner state of being that isn’t reliant on what is happening outside of us. Contentment is stable, it’s balanced, and it’s ours…whereas the highs and lows of happiness means it’s never really ours, we’re dependent on an outer source to fulfill it. Likewise with "hope", it can string us along a bit.
But do we prefer to hope? It's a little bit easier than trust, isn't it? We can shine it up and think that we're happy there. But when we hope, we’re not really trusting. The safety-net of hope is that it will still accommodate our personal sense of control (that "wall" I mentioned previously). And this really only puts us half-way there. Trust on the other hand, means we’re all-in: “I’m here and I’m ready” (harking back to that same active waiting I referred to in October’s newsletter). So if we don't rely quite so heavily on hope, and aim instead for trust, we naturally arrive at contentment. A big deal, right? We’re squeamish around trust simply because of that surrender of control it requires. But let's be like the hummingbirds; I'll meet you out on the brilliantly flowered field of Trust.
“Hope looks forward. Faith knows it has already received and acts accordingly.” — Florence Shinn
* image credit: Ray Hennessy rayhennessy [CC0]
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Trust that life loves you
…even when your reluctant mind refuses to believe it
Trust that life wants the best for you
…even more than you do
Trust that you will be guided
…even without all your fussing over hearing it “right”
Trust that life is smiling at you
…even when you believe with your whole self that you’re alone
Trust that life will buoy you and sustain you
…even when your pockets are empty
Trust that life holds a light for you and responds to your deepest inquiries
…even those ones that you can only share with the stars
Trust life’s presence in your ups and downs, in all the challenges and glories
…that presence that remains through all that will pass
Trust life’s loyalty to you
…even when you swear you’ve been betrayed
Trust those feelings of humility that come when your sanity comes back around again
…and you see that Life never left you
Trust that life is what you can count on more than any other thing
…even when you've made your oath, that this is indeed the time that you’re throwing in the towel
Trust that life will be there in the end
…even when you’re too weak to even stand up for now…remember, it’s just for now
Remember to read something inspiring
Remember to think, and remember to feel
Remember your own brilliant light
Trust that life knew your name even before you knew it yourself.
Trust that life will show up as those finest moments of Grace
Trust that you would never know the strength of who you are without any given challenge
Trust that with life and only with life, you do know how to do this
Trust yourself enough to slow down, and to hear those decisions made from such a centered inner space
Trust yourself to be able to learn to use that inner voice
Trust your strength of compassion
Trust those feelings of generosity
Trust what you have to give to this world even if you haven’t defined it yet
Trust in the power of your presence of who you are
And remember that your own Soul has a voice, and you’re the only beloved one who truly needs to hear it.
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Sweeping the front walk, getting our hair trimmed, watering the houseplants, and having our daily shower, are all elements of Saucha. We can even begin to experiment with organic vegetarian diet, or a seasonal cleanse of the body…Spring-cleaning of the house in fact, is a deeper ritual of freshening up and lightening up. These symbolic actions of Saucha (the first Niyama of purity) toward a lightened, healthy body and mind leads to the deeper experience of the quality of Saucha. Its quality of purity makes this a Niyama that settles in and permeates us and our way of life, more than it is something to practice.
As we grow increasingly familiar with its quality through our more symbolic actions, Saucha starts to find its own deepening path within in us, and it becomes a very intimate experience. When we choose to live clearly, purely, we meet ourselves in a different way; we’re meeting ourselves and our life honestly, meaning we meet it in the moment. We may have been living our lives for fifty-two years without realizing that we’ve never really made contact with the life we’re living. And we can feel kind of mind-blown when we realize this.
Artwork copyright by Heide Presse
The way we breathe is a beautiful indicator of where we’re really living. Rapid breathing, shallow breathing, belly breathing, are all transmitting information that we’re obliterating the present moment with tensions from the past that we’re not letting go of, or a future we’re anticipating. Like the breath, Saucha leads us to feel into our very honest selves, and there is no hiding there (which ends up being a good thing). In contrast to the endless flow of distraction, the present moment can feel like a blunt awareness, because it will instantly reveal to us the nature of our mind. It shows up in the squeamishness, it doesn’t take years of therapy to feel it. Our myriad tendencies and reasons for living in either time-warp of “future” or “lagging behind” (or both, in some cases) come tumbling forward. The discomfort can begin to crawl all over us…fears, control, what-if’s, etc…they all arise instantly. To continually draw ourselves back into the moment, from either the future or the past can feel literally, like being tugged by two children who are actively playing on a seesaw.
But once this moment passes, Saucha is beautiful(!) as we experience (maybe for the first time) the exquisite softness of our nature. Drawing ourselves back to the middle of that seesaw, reorienting ourselves in present time, we experience Present Time’s lack of expectation and its gentleness. It can feel foreign to remain balanced in that center, actually feeling quite comfortable to instead follow ourselves forward or back in time. It’s a challenging task to rest in the present moment as it is, to honestly see ourselves for who we are and what we’ve become. This doesn’t necessarily mean that we think we’re a bad person, but fears can come tumbling into that moment with any arising notions of letting go.
But what are we letting go of? …of our assumptions of how and why we should do things, of expectations of what’s going to happen if we don’t drive our life forward…because hey, if we’re present in the moment, we can’t be pressing forward can we? This concept can feel threatening to the construction site we’ve made in the mind….threatening to the assumptions that we’re lazy, that we won’t live up to the pressing demands of our culture. But Saucha’s requirement of purely being in the moment, devoid of distraction, is being truly purposeful and it’s really quite gentle. This quiet of the moment tells us about what we really need to be doing, it tells us about what really matters, and if we want to hear that then we’ll naturally prioritize what we hear from that moment.
This meeting of ourselves intimately is such a brilliant first step toward the rest of the Niyamas. No wonder it comes first! Such an exquisite mind was Patanjali, to have laid out the framework for our liberation in such an unexpectedly perfect way.
]]>Non-attachment does not mean that we don’t care, in fact it means we care more deeply. It’s our concept of what “caring” is that needs review. We often associate “caring” from an attached frame of reference, whereas the ideal “caring” is freedom. Non-attachment leads us to truly value what is presently in our lives and experience, letting go of the need to acquire more…this is where freedom lies. Non-attachment means that we have the capacity to let things go from our lives when the time is right…if and when that time comes.
Everything in life is given from God and it will go back to God when it’s time. What is given, we are to care for, appreciate, love and nourish while it’s with us, yet have the capacity to let it go when it is no longer required in our life. And it’s not up to us to determine when this is. When the time comes to let go, we will know in our inner most being, but it’s the struggle with the thinking mind that turns it into agony. Holding on to anything beyond its time, or to something that was never meant to be ours in the first place, is toxic, and we do feel that when we listen deeply. So you see, it’s not that our inner intelligence isn’t there, it’s that we pin that against our egoic desires and create struggle for ourselves.
image credit: trizworld gallery
What is wonderful about this (agonizing) non-attachment, is that our discernment evolves from such a practice, we begin to prioritize what is of value, and it’s this that means we care more deeply…because we value what remains. We become less consumed in the maintenance that is required in a lifestyle of grasping…grasping at things that really only become distraction. Refining our focus toward what we value means we will nourish it and tend to it, with the added respect of knowing when it’s time to give it back to Life. We begin to hear when Life is asking for it back for the fulfillment of its purpose, but also for the fulfillment of yours. The practice of Brahmacharya begins to define our practice of Aparigraha, likewise Vairagya; which in turn deepens our commitment to Brahmacharya. This is where the deep capacity for caring and love is found.
We’re then left facing Trust, and how do we deal with Trust within ourselves and in our concept of the life we’re living? Are we willing to let go of what we think our life should be yet live it from our best selves? There is a phenomenal amount of Trust involved in this which really comes down to our willingness to let go of Control. You see how we break it down here, don’t you? When we feel it’s more important to grasp at things and hold on to those things, being distracted by those things, then we’re letting our ego run the show, we’re telling it that it’s in command over our deeper intelligence. And when we begin to shift that dynamic toward listening to and trusting our inner wisdom, the relationship with the ego will kick back, and do we have the willingness to ride that out? Determination even? We deserve to not be maintaining a life (of grasping) that wasn’t meant for us….we deserve to experience those people and things that are truly meant for us in this lifetime. This is then, a life of value, a life on purpose, and a life worth cherishing. It flips our experience from a life of “mine” to a life of “what is meant for my purpose to be fulfilled”? So, we practice Aparigraha without expectation of what the outcome will be. The discernment of the practice develops the ability to let go.
]]>“We’re all in this together” is a phrase that keeps repeating itself to me in recent weeks. I’ve always been a believer in community, but the world seems so strikingly different today, than it did even just three or four weeks ago. “Community” suddenly feels a bit Woodstock-ish, in its rapid, and sudden, evolution to “we’re all in this together”.
The tremendous number of good people in the world can grasp this notion, but it seemingly remains an intellectual concept. Do we really understand in our living experience, what it means? My social media is a “community” and my website was built for the purpose of supporting teachers and students as a community, yet both have been the most isolating experience I’ve ever had. The sad reality is, that each of us is caught up in our own life and the challenges it brings.
In my own conundrum around this, my jaw often drops in confusion around how it is, that we’re not coming together as a collective, in a time that is commanding it from us. If we’re not going to practice empowerment now, then when will we? We’re living through a culmination of diseased behaviour that has been permeating our planet for centuries, and none of us seem to know what to do about it. Good honest educated people, well intentioned people, those who live well and with respect, who agree we need to come together, are challenged to do just that, in the way that is necessary for a better world. It makes me wonder, is it not happening because we don’t fully understand the concept? Our intelligence declares “of course I know what it means” but I question whether we’ve had the living experience of it in a way that we grasp it into our systems. It seems like we’re trying to apply an archaic system (the cause of the destruction), to a concept which is turning out to be, revolutionary…”we’re all in this together”. This phrase is its own entity separate from our old school system, so it can’t be understood or expressed from that framework. The old system is built on a framework of: “it’s all about me”, “I”ve got to get what I can”. This is a corporate mentality and experience of existence. Yet the corporate structure is so strong and prevails everything, that we don’t know that we’re not seeing.
image credit: the trail ends at the sea by arnold friberg
To really consider its meaning, we need to feel into this statement on another level, an engaged and interactive level. “We’re all in this together” means we need to resolve this together, we need to come together in a form of humbleness, openness to new understanding and to each other, and support of one another in a way we’ve not seen collectively in a very long time, if ever. It means that we actually need to engage with each other. It’s an entirely different way of framing our perception from what we’re used to….and that’s the block. We come up against that feeling of knowing something needs to be different and then we’re stumped.
So, what is community? Well I’m still learning, but this is what I do know (and I’m sure the list is much longer with a great ability to evolve): understanding of one’s own self helps greatly in our willingness to being open to the perspectives of others. Through brainstorming and valuing different perspectives we can bring a meeting of concepts and ideas in a way that can work together; humility stems from understanding. We need to be humble enough to admit that we don’t know everything, and everyone has something of value to contribute. This is a letting go of control, and gearing toward education and growth; and, through it all, this is where we dig in, we lean into the traditional teachings and wisdoms of those who knew better. In comparison to all of humanity, there have only been a handful of such people, considering we’re able fit them on a list. It’s not the norm to live by such teachings, and yet they are the very essence of what we need to embrace in today’s collective. These teachings are really the only way through what we’re currently living in. The old system mindset (which is corporate based) is seeing current circumstance as the end of the world, a higher mindset (spiritually based) is seeing it as transition that we can get through….but it is through (spiritually based), not over, or avoiding (corporate based). And ‘through” means we need to rely on one another….on one another’s intelligence, one another’s support, inspiration and vitality we bring, to really gain the concept of community and lean in to it as far as we have to.
image credit: peter turnley
We can’t approach “community” from an “I” standpoint, and, without realizing it, that’s what we’re trying to do. We’re baffled by what’s happening without knowing how to change it, simply because we haven’t ever learned what “community” is, it hasn’t been taught to us because it hasn’t been mainstream. It’s time now to want to learn.
]]>There seems to be an all-too-common ease in being critical toward sensitive souls. I don’t know if this has been human behaviour since the dark ages, or whether it’s developed only in recent history. But this criticism seems to come down to the fact that people are often critical of what we don’t understand and therefore, feel threatened by. When used for this purpose, criticism becomes an aversion tactic (for the critic), an insular mode of protection, maybe. So does this mean that we don’t understand sensitivity?
We’ve come to equate sensitivity with imbalanced behaviour, and mainstream society blindly accepts this loose definition. Sensitivity is viewed as an overcharged nervous system that leaves a person taking everything personally or having a hyper-reactivity to outside stimulation, or circumstances. This type of reactiveness is a system out of balance, this isn’t sensitivity. But those who are sensitive often get lumped in with imbalanced behaviour because the traits can appear similar at times. But they are vastly different. Sensitivity is a groundedness in who we are; and being confident in an understanding of ourselves is the most empowering trait there is. It’s far from flying-off-the-handle at superfluous events.
image credit: abdullah envidar
People who are sensitive are called-out for being “too soft”, being criticized because maybe they cry more easily or more often than other people; they’re often a quieter character, reflective, slower to verbalize a response because it is actually well thought out beforehand. Sensitive people are “tsked” at, or disregarded and patronized as “Oh, Sally’s just sensitive”, many are called “losers” in schools, and, otherwise left out of the mainstream. I’ll never forget the first time I was picked last for a team in gym class, I was seven years old and was chosen only because I was the last one left. I remember feeling shame in that moment, of myself. And recently, I was told by a mainstream yoga teacher, that she can “appreciate” that I’m “trying to have a voice in the yoga world”. People feel quite entitled to say whatever they like toward anything they don’t understand.
It seems we don’t understand anything that falls outside that tunnel vision of force-fed information. I say it this way because, anything that falls outside the mainstream isn’t considered acceptable, and where does “mainstream” come from? It comes from propaganda…force fed media and news, and generational perspectives handed down from a hundred years ago. All those who manage to keep themselves flowing in the river of propaganda remain approved of, without any finger-pointing or any other uncomfortable spotlighting.
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But, what is so wonderful about sensitivity and the closeness this brings to our inner experience, is that we know ourselves in a way that the “normal” people don’t, or can’t know about themselves. We’re not fully capable of learning who we are when we never experience the intensities and the boredoms of life. We’re not able to grow in our capacity when we never require from ourselves, something to resolve that has arisen from inside. In this way sensitivity is an inside responsiveness, which is far from the “reactivity” that sensitivity gets a bad-rap for. Insensitivity is actually a reactive way of living life, because we need events to happen before we can respond. Whereas sensitivity means we’ve grown the awareness of perceiving events that are on their way, and therefore possibly mitigating outcomes. Being able to recognize when that river’s flow is beginning to erode its outer banks is a gift, and so is having the stamina not only to perceive that, but to respect its teachings….to balance surrender with inquiry. We may even realize that this time might actually be the time that the river’s flow breaks its own banks, creating a new stream entirely.
Being sensitive isn’t about being alien, it’s about experiencing life tangibly, it’s about recognizing power in places that the mainstream easily overlooks or guffaws at. Being sensitive means we’ll be tackled regularly by those who are “normal”, until we’re able to see what it is that we are….we’re sensitive…there is power in knowing that, and that alone begins to change our experience from one of being tackled to one of exploration and inquiry.
]]>“Pigeon” was the pose mentioned, but I see it happening in a tonne of Yoga poses. This is what was said: “Most people just arrive in it (the pose) collapsed, and hanging off muscles—which generally doesn’t do anything particularly useful…”. To be frank, this way of being in an asana reflects a mindset. It reflects that there is an expectation from the pose, an assumption that it will do the work for us. It’s a lazy way of practicing. Not all, but many, many “flexible” people approach their asana practice in this way. Somehow, it hasn’t been translated in our classes, that we have an accountability to our practice, we need to show up for it, and to be present with it. This is having respect for our practice. Yet for the most part, being accountable to the pose is completely overlooked.
Accountability to the pose means sustaining awareness, holding our presence with the pose and engaging where is necessary. Presence in the pose means knowing when we’ve pushed too far, and therefore, having initiated a level of force; or, knowing when and where it’s appropriate to engage physically because we find ourselves "slumping" or, just hanging out. This active presence with the asana allows freedom of movement in the tissues. In this way we’re reflective, we're learning from the pose and we’re participating in our freedom.
Being able to initially get ourselves into the shape of an asana doesn’t mean the pose comes easily to us, and it definitely doesn’t mean we’ve “mastered” it. You’ll notice this once you start activating those poses that seem easy for you, the ones when your ego encourages you just to slump into it. All that ends up happening is that those points of "ease" for the body are being exploited rather than strengthened; instead, curiosity for what is needed in order to feel activity, is love for the body, and an aliveness for the practice.
image credit: thomas l. kelly "Sadhus: the Great Renouncers"
Additionally, we need to be willing to carry our own weight, because no one is going to do that for us, not even the pose itself. When we move our body into a certain position and then just hang out there, we bring no intelligence to what we’re doing, we offer no respect for the practice nor are we upholding our responsibility in the practice. We’re not respecting our body because we’re not responding to it. We’re not giving ourselves the opportunity to learn from ourselves; and, not that it really matters to anyone else, but we’re showing a level of disrespect for the class as well as the instructor…and respect is a significant part of the practice, if not THE practice.
Every individual contributes to the class, so how do you want to show up for that? Do you want to take part by involving yourself in your own practice, or do you want to slide in and slither out of class without any accountability, to yourself or anyone else? It is really up to you, but If you don’t have the desire to participate in your practice, then maybe it’s not the right practice for you. Lastly, it harkens to the familiar phrase: “How we do anything is how we do everything”.
]]>Over the years, I have regularly been asked by clients and students how it is, that I can zone in on the real nuts and bolts of what they’re communicating to me, when even they feel lost in what they’re saying. The more I read about the increasing popularity of Compassionate Based Yoga, and Ethical Yoga, I decided to tell you my secret, because understanding another is founded on a level of compassion. Aside from the fact that I genuinely care about people, I recognize that I am a human being who is connecting with another human being, and at the heart of it, there is nothing more real than that. This shared human experience means, all that is left to do, is for me to open my level of willingness to learn about their perspective. This position of being “the learner” is of course, the basics to comprehension. And this is done in three easy steps. Of course I’m not perfect at this, it’s an ongoing active practice, but here’s my secret:
image credit: dennis thern on flickr
Listen without judgement:
This is an active listening process, and it includes removal of judgement not only from the mind, but from wherever you might be holding it in your body. Our judgements are held not only in our facial expressions, but in our body language. We’ll hold tension wherever we hold that judgement (an aversion really) and the other person will read this tension. But remember that shared human to human experience mentioned earlier? Why should we have an aversion to another’s experience if it’s not harming our own or anyone elses? An open mind includes a relaxed body. Having an open mind doesn’t mean that our own thoughts won’t drift through, it means that when they do, we don’t listen to them or give them any credit or significance, because what is more important in that moment is what the other person is saying. So if my thoughts are not important, they move to the backseat so to speak. This allows my perception to be more inquisitive, and it’s being genuinely inquisitive that frees-up the space between two people. In this space is the freedom for the person to be understood, by another, and more importantly, by his own self.
Don’t make them fit the yoga that you want them to fit:
This includes step one, so if you haven’t practiced step one, this step will be a bit more challenging. Too often when we’re uncomfortable with our own selves as an instructor, or feel a lack of confidence in what we know, we’ll impose that insecurity on our students, by trying to make them do the yoga we want them to be doing. Everyone’s body and experience in life is different, and there is too much propaganda telling us all to fit into “hip openers” and “inversions”, and the list goes on. There is a time and a place for everything, for every body, and for stages in life. It’s the instructor’s knowledge that can read what is appropriate and what is not. What works well for a pregnant woman who has been a lifetime athlete will be different for a pregnant woman who has never been interested in physical movement before; which is different for a man in his 40’s and a woman in her 80’s. We would never have such a mix in one class, but we will most likely have the opportunity to work with each student at some point in time. This applies to all Yogic practices.
Admit that you don’t know everything:
Respect that you have limits, and grow to love that there is still so much more to learn. Know what you know, and have the self-confidence to be honest about what you don’t yet know (and that what you already know might change over time). When students hear you admit this, they will never judge you. In fact, it increases their trust in you. You’re showing them that Yoga continues to be a practice for you too, which is the path. It demonstrates that what you’re sharing is what you’ve learned from the path so far, and this is authenticity. In admitting this, you’re giving them the freedom and the understanding, that what they learn from the Path might be different from your own, but it will be theirs, and it will be valuable. Acknowledging that we don’t know things is what makes us good at everything, because we’re willing to learn ourselves.
image credit: caleb woods
So you see, listening to a student isn’t only about what they say or what I think, it’s a multi-layered experience. And it’s this that brings innate compassion and ethical behaviour. So it seems a bit funny that studios are hoping to profit from workshops on Ethical or Compassionate based Yoga, because isn’t that what Yoga already is? Empathy and compassion can’t be bought and paid for in a workshop. These qualities can only be cultivated through understanding our own humanity, through our own practice and desire to know them. These workshops are just further monetizing yoga. And though we may dive deeply into our practice through participating in meditation groups, and other Yogic practices, these unfold through time and experience; we don’t walk in to a workshop on a Friday and walk out on a Sunday, certificate in hand, filled with Compassion, ethics and empathy.
The Maple tree outside my window is huge and beautiful; but, this year, it has tiny leaves. What this might mean has worried me, because I love this tree. And yesterday it was confirmed. It was mentioned by an arborist, that many trees are producing small leaves this year…due to lack of rain, snow, and general moisture over recent years.
A couple of weeks ago I started watering it, in a futile attempt to do something. Considering the tree’s enormous root system, the watering I do is only a drop in the bucket. But still, I can’t sit idle; so, every morning and evening I go out with my bucket, and water what I can. My home isn’t my own, leaving me without much say in water scheduling...my landlord designates it as a city tree, so he leaves it alone. So I go out there, looking a bit crazy to my neighbours, but, that's the state of things.
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This proud Maple spreads so much shade in the summers, and leaves me basking in that green hue from the sunlight that filters through. It has a resident squirrel who is always working! He bounces around from branch to branch, and shares the space with all the birds that visit in the Spring. There is something about Spring, that draws the birds to rummage around in the mossy bits of the tree, and no doubt they’re twittering away while they rummage. This tree is a system in itself….and this system will be gone if that tree dies.
This brings me to the topic of obsessive thinking. And how, through obsessive thinking, we can unintentionally neglect the larger system. We’ve recently been working a lot with obsessive thinking, in the yoga classes I instruct. We’ve been noticing how small our worlds become because of obsessive thinking. This kind of thinking is so self-involved, and it revolves completely around an unhealthy emotional belief. Obsessive thinking separates us in a way, that we don’t realize we’ve obliterated the outside world. This unhealthy self-belief then colours our mindset and mood, and we neglect the outer world without intending to do so. Every human has that point of weakness that sucks us in to rumination, before we realize one day, that we can’t give that obsession one more thought. It’s like we realize we can’t even physically think about that one thing anymore. When we reach this kind of breaking point, we’re on the verge of freedom…freedom from the obsession, and instead focused toward a larger, more thriving outlook. Suddenly we see the system again.
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These obsessive self-beliefs are usually harmful. They’re harmful to the way we relate to ourselves, and therefore, with the outer world. So what can we do to open up our world? The antidote to obsessive thinking is giving…we can give what we have. Giving what we have is very different from giving of ourselves. The former is generosity, the latter can be martyrdom. Giving what we have encourages growth of gratitude within the giver, as well as engraining a deeper compassion. Giving what we have opens our world again, it opens us to the remembrance of connectedness. We connect more deeply to ourselves, toward what’s real and true, and we connect to the outer world. We see ourselves as part of a larger system and we want to be a part of contributing positively to that system. We start to see the consequences of our actions on the Whole, and we make choices toward positive connection with that Whole. We naturally want to be a part of a healthy, thriving, functioning system; but, for the most part, society is fostering an unnatural system of “keeping up with the Jones’s”. And we’re suffering from this, the whole planet is suffering from this separation.
]]>I don’t really know that it could be called a LIFE Purpose. As well, a Purpose isn’t necessarily a money-making idea (that’s something commercialism has capitalized on). Purpose is really about having a meaningful life. Such an alive, dynamic, and changing aspect of an individual’s life, for some, might be one purpose which grows, with branches that subtly inhabit all aspects of one’s life. And then there are those people who land on a Life purpose, and that stays as the sole passion moving forward from that moment. Who knows. A person’s Purpose is so deeply personal and inexplicable to anyone else that, I believe it can come down to “what is my purpose right now?”.
Regardless, our Purpose is not a one size fits all, so we should not be looking for something we recognize or presume it to be. It’s more subtle than that, and it’s such a part of us that we could probably trip over it right now. Its only hint is how it threads through everything that we do. Unfortunately, our society provides such little guidance on how to cultivate and nurture our Purpose, that we end up relating to it as an object, we end up desperate for it, reaching out for it in a time of begging and pleading, wishing for a sign. But we long for our purpose for the very reason that it is already there. It’s not so much about needing to find Purpose, but instead, choosing it over the stuff that’s covering it. That’s the kicker. This unpredictability and intangibility is part of what life on purpose is like.
image credit: awakenedsoullove
1) Quiet down: Quieting is essential. Quieting is a humble aspect of our nature. Approaching the altar of Life with this request for help with our Purpose, from a space of quiet, can be a challenge. When we’ve asked for help, we need to be humble enough to be Quiet…verbally, mentally, emotionally. From being a person who talks a lot, to a person who needs the last word, to a person who strives constantly, to shutting down the rambling mind, we need to stop Doing and Trying, and just be quiet. When we can quiet ourselves (and this does take discipline on our part), this Quiet state knows how to penetrate itself more deeply within us.
2) Ask: Even if you think you don’t know what to ask for. A genuine heart and pure intent holds the silent Ask that Life can hear. Life understands the language of a heart that is chock-full of pure intent, this is asking enough for whatever higher life form you believe in. What are you asking for? Life’s guidance on next steps. It’s the steps…those tiny, seemingly inconsequential steps, that reveal what might be an unknown Purpose.
image credit: ursulasweeklywanders
3) Listen: With the openness of a child. A lot of listening is about surrender; and, it brings the vulnerability of a child. Listening means you might need to drop what you thought you needed, or pick up something you never considered. This is learning a new language. This comes from the Ask. Following the steps as they’re revealed means that you will suddenly realize, you’re walking what you’ve asked for, making more suitable decisions from where you’re at now (not where you used to be) in any given moment. I read a quote recently: “the reason children see magic is because they believe in it”.
I love to work with individuals through the Yamas and Niyamas, for the very purpose of helping others unite with their own Purpose. Discovering our Purpose is an exciting venture really, when given the perspective it deserves. Perspective takes the fear, desperateness, and overwhelm out of it, changing your Purpose from being something foreign to feeling like something quite natural.
Arguing, it doesn’t necessarily have to be unfortunate if we come from the right perspective…a perspective of listening. Sadly, we often enter argument to win, to prove our point, or to prove we’re right. We cut off listening. This predictably d-evolves the argument into a fight. There is skill in arguing, and if we don’t choose to use that skill, or even to develop it, we quickly turn events into damaging fights. Arguing requires intelligence, fighting demands none.
Arguing gets mixed up with fighting, and I think this is where disrespect has found its place within the exchange. Losing the art of arguing means fighting is all we know how to do, and it can get vicious in that boxing ring. People can say things that cannot be unsaid, no matter if there is forgiveness in the end. Trust will either need to be re-earned or, will never be quite the same between those two people.
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In this sense, arguing is a valuable skill to develop for those relationships we truly care about; and, needless to say, for our own self-respect and dignity. People who argue to win, who don’t stop pelting their point until they’ve dominated the argument, are in it for a fight…and they want to bring you in to it with them. People won’t back down from a fight, thinking they’ll lose their dignity if they do; but in a fight, dignity can already be lost.
Arguing itself, really just comes down to differing (and usually passionate) points of view…that’s it. Having different opinions isn’t a bad thing. Opinions are just different ways of experiencing or perceiving an issue or event. There isn’t really a reason to make that difference a win/lose situation where one comes out on top. It’s when we stop listening that opinion turns into ignorance.
Less often we enter argument with the intent to learn something about the other person. 1) Do you cut the other person off or talk over them? If yes, are you willing to stop yourself from doing that? 2) Do you listen to learn from the other person? In this way, we actually listen to what they’re saying because we want to understand why they’re angry or argumentative. What is it that they’re trying to communicate? 3) Are you willing to accommodate what you learn about them based on what they are saying? Notice how much “willingness” comes in to play here. This takes putting ourselves aside a little bit. We, ourselves have to be willing to do this. If willingness isn’t there, the fight stays strong. There is open-mindedness in arguing because of the listening aspect, this is what removes it from fighting.
image credit: simplefamilies
Arguing could hopefully be a space where we stay quiet long enough to listen to the other person’s perspective; likewise, be given the space for our own to be heard. Whether the two ever meet isn’t the issue, it’s about perspectives being heard with a willingness to understand. Best case scenario is that a meeting of the minds comes from it, or, if not, a coming together as the argument diffuses and you carry on with something else in your day, knowing you each respected unshared views. There’s nothing wrong with that. The problem comes from driving our dominance over another person, and when two (or more) people speak at the same time. This happens all the time in fights. It’s baffling that anyone could possibly think they’re hearing what the other person is saying, whilst simultaneously drilling their own point home. Is this style of relating really worth it? Or has enough past damage been done from it that the skill of arguing might offer a more respectful outcome?
]]>Modern yoga teachers are just regular people, it’s not too common to find true gurus these days. The teachers we admire and respect are not often enlightened Masters anymore, but they are the ones who honestly acknowledge and learn from their inner demons. They’ve bothered to work their own practice, to make it work for them, to come to realizations and understandings that inspire them to continue and to grow…they didn’t persist just on a weekly hit of inspiration.
It’s very popular to “name drop” in the yoga scene…and there seems to be a new name in recent months. I don’t know that she’s particular to yoga, or if she is more of an inspirational speaker. So, when I saw one of her clips in my facebook newsfeed recently, I decided to see what she spoke about. It wasn’t anything new to my ears, but I was intrigued by her audience who sat fully engaged and agog with inspiration.
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Being our best selves is what the human heart wants. But when the reality of what lies between here (our current situation) and there (our imagined self) hits, it hits hard and our inspiration tends to wane, if not tumble into an abyss. While watching the video, I was aware that these type of speakers make a lot of money sharing their talks because of the inspiration….it’s that hit that the audience is so in need of. People are so intrigued with inspiration while they sit through the talk, that reality hasn’t set in yet….so these speakers continue to make money while nothing much changes in the end, for the majority of the audience.
The daily walk of becoming what that speaker is talking about is messy, it’s lonely, it’s isolating, it’s dark and it’s depressing…but what makes it worth it, is what comes from it (which is the part the speaker focused on). The speaker didn’t mention the mess between where we are now and the "destination" being talking about. So people from the audience set out, all gung-ho, when the brakes come on having found themselves in the middle. The middle is where we don’t like it, we don’t know what to do with ourselves because this part wasn’t included in what the speaker told us about.
image credit: shady-shypervertdeviantart
Fumbling around in the middle, not liking it, it's easier to slap our purged inner ugliness on to another, fueling a nice blame and shame cycle instead of becoming that person we envisioned ourselves to be when we were sitting in that audience. Most people don’t expect how painful the walk can feel, this isn’t what they signed up for when they were sitting in that audience with tears of inspiration and beauty welling up in their eyes, being called through such inspired motivation.
The point is, you cannot make your yoga teacher be that hit of inspiration. Like any addiction, there comes a point in your practice where that inspiration needs to touch you deeply enough that you’re the one doing your practice. The teacher can’t do that for you. If by some sad circumstance you do use your teacher as your source of inspiration, that same teacher will one day touch a raw nerve…then it’s a make or break relationship because you’ll be out that door, never to be seen or heard from again. You’ll find your next hit elsewhere. Inspiration is as addictive as anything. The glamour wears off when we dig in to the real thing and those who are willing to walk beside you will receive the ugly end of the stick, not the glamour speaker who started it all. It’s not so beautiful wading through the mess we’ve spent a lifetime building up, but if we have the courage to see it through, we will actually be what that speaker was talking about.
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]]>What if I turn into a blob? I’ve had people ask me this in all seriousness as both concern and inquiry. This question comes from people who are beginning to be touched by their practice, but not necessarily touched deeply. So often our depths have risen so high they’ve become an entity to consciously run away from. We’ve let the dam rise. So the choice to run becomes conscious, instead of that vague gnawing of an unidentified discomfort that we roam around with.
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I think what people are really asking is: “What if I lose control? What if all that hurt comes up and it lasts forever? What if I can’t rein it back in again?”. Unknown territory of any kind can feel like we’re standing on the shore of the Atlantic. We’ll pace that shore, asking friends and family, strangers even, “But what if?”, and “What will happen to me if I let go and feel this?”. Unfortunately, the only way to truly find out that you can trust your process is by letting it happen, letting what you’re trying to suppress actually surface. There is no other way to learn for ourselves that emotion comes and goes, and its intelligence is trying to tell us something. We can be told a thousand times, but we’ll never trust it until we’ve done it for ourselves. The reality is, we’ll land safely on another shore, even if we can’t see it.
When given the freedom to move, emotions never last forever, they rise and fall to varying heights, they stop and start, and they can even come as more than one at a time. How many times have you laughed and cried at the same time, then wondered, “How did I just laugh when I was so swept up in how terrible I felt?”.
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We feel the hurts of anything and everything, ranging in severity from things like the loss of a child, to a partner having been unfaithful, to the sadness of a lonely life, and on the stories go that are as numerous as there are humans on the planet. These aren’t easy things to feel when we sense a hurling of ourselves into a pool of the unknown; and unfortunately, we wait to test our trust when we’re faced with an extreme situation.
But given the level of pain that can exist within a human being, wouldn’t it be normal to hurt for a while, to hurt in a way that no one else has in quite the same way, to hurt for a time that might not be the same length of time that another “got over it”? We can never look at ourselves then look to another as a gauge or comparison. We’ll know what we can get through and we’ll know what we can’t, and what we can’t, we will seek help. These things come naturally to us when we’re in the flow of the feelings we fear.
Yes, you might be a blob for a while, and you might be a lone blob, but if we don’t willingly let it, that blob will rise and it will find its own way out. So why not trust ourselves before the blob does it for us? It’s the fear that dwells at the shore of anticipation that’s really the worst part. Once we start flowing, the relief of letting go and trusting where we’re taken, is a life and a freedom we can’t know when we’re living an existence of clamping down our humanity. We find ways of moving through art, through music, through laughter and exercise, we access our creativity…the giver of new life, new joys, new ways of seeing things…and yes, a new tolerance of undesirable emotions. We’re reborn through the death of what we could no longer hold on to. And then the empathy, ahh the empathy that arises….that’s another story.
]]>The word “pandemic” used to be one of those eye-popping, mouth-gaping jingles, limited to 1960’s Sci-fi thrillers and novels like 1984, or Brave New World; always stimulating delightful horrors of mass hysteria and zombies, aliens and popcorn. But as I write this, the word “pandemic” has twisted its way through 6 o’clock news broadcasts…rarely, but as if networks are testing out the possible reality of our times. I have a further question about “pandemic” though: Does it need to be limited only to mass physical illness? Are there other levels of our experience, where a pandemic could already be spreading? My thoughts: Possibly. I am beginning to consider society’s ever broadening disinterest in “something greater than ourselves” as being a moral and psychological break in our humanity. Not only muddling up our understanding of how to relate to others, but how to relate to, and understand, our very own selves. This, to me, is as valid as any global physical illness, stemming from green reptilian sea-monsters.
image credit: poster-merchant.myshopify
To lose this connection within our personal nature is like cutting off our right arm. It makes us sick with diseases like self-centeredness, elevated pride, depression, isolation, and anxiety. To lose the understanding and experience of something greater, is giving up our life force; it's giving up our passions and our dreams…including the natural emotions that make those dreams real. We’re slowly giving up what is integral to our survival in any kind of thriving, autonomous way. Resulting in a tragic loss of those gifts of humility, forgiveness, patience, faith and trust.
Consider "Rights of Passage": the main ingredients here are courage and bravery, for the very reason that they require faith and trust….in what? In something greater. The very nature of a "Right of Passage" commands our own faith and trust forward...and it’s parents and grandparents who toss the kids into these situations! Such elders are not worried about being the child’s “buddy”; instead, they have the wisdom to know that it’s more important to teach a child how to walk through life having faith in something greater, and to have an understanding of where we fit in to the larger scheme of things, than it is to be friends with the child. When we need to be liked by our children, we’re depriving them of living life with an inner sense of themselves. Rights of Passage are marked experiences that set us up for the journey ahead, they seed that relationship with something greater. They’re moments of endurance that cultivate courage and independence to face life's challenges. They ignite the faith that something greater is walking with us. They teach the humility that keeps us in our rightful place. This is the only way we understand the purpose of a challenge, and the meaning it’s trying to bring to us. This is essential…for everything.
Rights of Passage are marked vows, they're commitments to something sacred. Without them we lose that urgency to be accountable to how we live, to be accountable to ourselves or each other. There is a great sadness in this, a devastation, which we can see in places where humans have impacted the Earth. We lose our sense of place, our sense of home, the anchoring that’s brought by comfort, and the wild innocence of wonder and awe. We rarely find things truly special because we’ve lost that intrigue of where it all came from.
image credit: flickr
We’re at a point of needing to re-inspire ourselves. To hold ourselves up to the courage to love….to truly love….an other. Few people know what this is. Being courageous enough to give your heart and soul is a power that gives return in ways we can’t predict. We have this courage to truly love when we know where we fit in to the larger scheme of things and when we know where we came from. This awareness helps us land a solid foot on that threshold into the future, a threshold we approach each and every day. Placing that foot there is a decision, and in that decision do we have the resources we need to step through? We never know until we’ve done it. So when we’re about to do it, all we can do is trust, trust that we’re not alone and that the path is much more adventurous when we surrender, when we stop toiling around in a self oriented indifference thinking that we’re at the helm.
"If we fill our lives with things and again with things, if we consider ourselves so unimportant, that we must fill every moment of our lives, with action, when will we have the time to make the long slow journey across the desert, or sit and watch the stars, or brood over the coming of a child. For each one of us there is a desert to travel, a star to discover and a being within ourselves to bring to life." Anonymous
]]>Let the colours fly! It’s India’s Holi festival! Aside from Diwali, Holi is one of my favourite Hindu festivals….but, I’m a “foreigner”, so what do I really know…they’re probably all wonderful. Holi always arrives with the fullness of the March moon which tonight, is hanging like a silver dollar in the sky….a clear sky, so black it’s the colour of Midnight Blue. And a light so soft and full, everything stands out as if on the Moon itself.
image credit: demotivateur
Holi, like other Indian festivals, symbolises the triumph of good over evil, or light over dark. Its significance is shared in a couple of ways, I learned of one on my friend’s front porch while in India. He freely shares the beliefs of Hinduism with me when I have a well-full of questions. So, one day after his rooftop yoga class, we sat on his front porch and he told me the story of Holi. He told me of the sister who lured her brother to play, as a means for him to die in a fire. Story goes, their father who was king, was jealous of his son’s love of Lord Vishnu. The daughter had been blessed with the boon of being immune to fire. But, in the end the tables turned and her deception led the daughter to ash, yet the brother remained unscathed.
To fill out this legend, we could equate the lessons we learn from the Yamas, and their prompt toward overcoming our lower selves. Yama means “restraint”, and Holi stems from the word which means “sacrifice”. Though it’s a total mind flip for most people, freedom is gained through restraint, and it does this through refinement of our awareness, which comes through knowledge of self. In this case, the father, if he’d had the restraint of his jealousy, his beloved (and beautiful) daughter wouldn’t have turned to ash. The lesson he would have learned, had he chosen instead to overcome his jealousy, wouldn’t have felt so good (as none of our lower tendencies do), but the self-restraint would have led him to the freedom gained through self- understanding. This self-knowledge would have liberated him in a way he never could have known…nor would he ever find out, having acted on his jealousy rather than restraining it. He assumed that wielding his power to do what he wanted when he wanted, meant he would get what he wanted…but alas, he found out that Life plays the final hand.
Had the father been willing to restrain himself, he would have known more deeply what was appropriate and what wasn’t, through discerning one thing from another. He would have gained the confidence to be a stronger king, which again brings another mind flip: Once he would have gained that confidence, he wouldn’t need to take himself so seriously anymore….his discipline would have led him to know that his “right” isn’t necessarily a universal, all encompassing “right”…he’d have a lot of elbow room to laugh at himself then…to soften those edges around “my way or the highway”, to know he’s done his best, so when “the chips fall where they may” they might not land so hard…he would be better equipped to discern the situation and what it required. It’s a more pleasant life experience all round.
image credit: design.junkie
The carefree colours of Holi represent that tuning in to the joy of life, the free expression of the unexpected moments it brings, and living those moments for all they’re worth. We can’t have an awareness of these moments when we’re so caught up in control that we do whatever it takes, at all cost, to be in control. The mirror gets flipped in Holi…having our faces and bodies smeared in colours brings our beauty to a new form…one of freedom. From that particular situation, that first choice of restraint, our freedom grows, it expands into a way of approaching life, which means we meet our life from our own decisions…and this is freedom.
]]>Is everything really wonderful, exciting, and amazing? These words have become daily expressions for describing the way everyone is always feeling, apparently. If I can test the waters here, I would say that these expressions falsely elevate our experience. We get lost in making sure that we inject one of those words into our speech, securing ourselves in the approval rating of the listener…who in turn is mentally preparing to use one of those words in response. When we elevate our experience, our feet are left dangling above the ground, we’ve got nothing to stand on; ironically, this elevation debases our reality.
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In this culture of being “nice” and “excited” all the time, we undermine trust and we whittle away any kind of real purpose. And the lack of alignment is exhausting. To be true to anything, we need to know why we’re doing it. Without defining it, we’re lost in murkiness that allows our intention to shift and change according to what we think in the moment. This removes the truth from any purpose in our intention because we’ve become misaligned. We need to know and to define, the intention of our practice, through being aligned in thought, speech, and action.
The practice of Satya brings that clarity of our purpose, and becomes the definition for everything.
Satya (truthfulness) is tied very closely to Sankalpa. In fact, the two words within Sankalpa are: “Sat” being truth, and “Kalpa” being a long period of time. So, a Sankalpa is like making a vow toward that which keeps us on our path (our defined purpose). We cannot do this without the clarity of Satya. When we can deeply feel our Sankalpa, we’re tied to the unchanging truth of it…its unchanging nature is due to its connection to our Dharmic path. Once we can feel that aim, we sense that we must stay true to it, we know that we cannot waiver, and Satya then becomes a natural part of our lives.
image credit: blackswan
We raise our quality of purpose and we raise our quality of life, when we can clearly perceive our Sankalpa, because we make choices that are aligned. We begin to live by reality as is meant for us, and what we want deeply in our lives becomes known to us. The desire to fulfill that means that Satya really becomes quite effortless. We lose that sense of our approval rating and we just stay true to being true…because we know what’s right. This doesn’t mean we are careless in our choices that might impact others; in fact, it’s the opposite. When we make choices aligned by our intention, we gain a sensitivity toward creating as little harm as possible, toward self and others. It is not a carelessness.
And so you see, even though Satya is the second of the Yamas, this external restraint really brings about internal transformation, it links us to our personal path, and it touches an internal depth and awareness. Satya is far deeper than “I cannot tell a lie”, Satya reaches into, “I cannot be misaligned”. It is through Satya that we learn to trust ourselves; and it demonstrates to others that we are trustworthy, that we’re capable of sustaining and holding an authentic space…not only within ourselves but in receiving other people in the same way. Others then know where they stand with us. This is a huge gift to give another. When we gain this confidence of trusting ourselves to be ourselves, we become more generous with who we are…because we don’t fear who we are. That vow to our Dharmic path becomes something we lean in to.
]]>All of us can relate to having a cycle of thought that has become so settled in, that it sounds more to us, like the teacher in the Peanuts cartoon than any logical expression of words. For some reason or other, we each have an area of our life where our mini-me tags along, dressed in a black cape and eye mask, leaping in and out of our thought patterns as if it’s welcome. This tiny mini-me packs a punch; bringing with it, a shame that can feel debilitating and overwhelming. This mini-me seems to think it’s welcome to stride along side us whenever we put our best efforts forward. It waits patiently by our side, ready to whisper degrading words when our best efforts are met with silence, disapproval, or rejection from an Other. The one thing this mini-me knows how to do, is undermine us. Some of us are stubborn enough to pick ourselves up again, only to wait again for approval from an Other, then feel the shame again. It’s a cycle that we can really get caught up in: “This is what I have to offer, do you approve of me, do you accept me, will I be secure?”. It’s a terrible cycle to be trapped in and no one deserves to be there.
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Our deepest feelings and our insecurities are like two sides of a coin, this cycle either destroys us or brings us to our greatest dreams. We equate not only our own value as a human being in this “acceptance” we seek, but also our very sense of security. It really comes down to the question of: “Will this make me secure?” (whether realistic or not). Then, if we’re not accepted, our security feels threatened.
Though I don’t believe there is one pat answer for everyone on how to overcome this, I do believe that a consistent pursuit of a new self belief means we’re far likelier to gain freedom from it’s snare. The culprit keeping us from change is really about unwillingness. Other than maintaining resolve, “unwillingness” is the biggest hurdle to not only overcome, but to identify. Panic is usually how we address the unknown that change puts in front of us. How do we turn panic into courage?
Compassion.
But before Compassion, is the Breath.
image credit: pascalcampion
Once we know that we’re willing to break this cycle, we usually need to find a tool that will help us when things get tough (meaning, we get uncomfortable). The following may seem trite, but usually Life’s answers are far simpler than we give them credit for:
Breath. Not only does it effectively calm us, it gives us that sense of control when we’re moving into unknown experiences (even if they’re internal emotional ones). Breathing is essential for grounding us into the now. Don’t underestimate this step of breaking the cycle. Choosing to breathe through an automatic response, rather than act from it is change in itself. It can be enough, it can be all we ever need to do when the nerves of change kick in. So, hoping to rush through the breathing part so you can move to next steps to overcome the cycle is ineffective.
Breathing brings us from neurosis and anxiety to the firmer footing of the here and now. That footing creates a sense of security. And it’s our job to gradually give more credit to that security within our own thinking (this is where the seed of Compassion is beginning to grow, whether the mini-me likes it or not). Breathing doesn’t change circumstances like magic, but it changes our moment from being one of overwhelm, to one of calm, and this is what matters. Being calmed by our use of the breath brings us back to our own reality and away from the clinging fantasy of, “pretty please?”. Breath grounds us in to realizing that we are ok, and into a rational understanding of what really matters, whether anything outside of our own self ever changes. It brings us back to proper assessment of our next steps. This indicates that when we’re jumping off the horrific fantasy wagon of “will you accept me?”, it’s our own reality that really matters.
image credit: americangallery
The breath reminds us of where we are, and attunes us to the intelligence of hearing our own heart and our own voice. The still and the calm of the moment shows us what really matters. Once we recognize the value of stillness, we’ll value the breath. Our inner senses let us know that we are secure. Our inner senses let us know that an Other won’t provide that. This is the foundation of breaking the cycle. Mini-me won’t have his tiny legs to stand on and he might actually need to begin whispering words worth listening to.
]]>“The book to read is not the one that thinks for you but the one which makes you think.”~Harper Lee
Similarly (to my chagrin), a teacher of mine once said, in reference to the Soulful realm, “They’re not here to lead you by the nose, if you’re an old soul, they’ll want you to figure it out”. Argh, who wants to hear that when you just want the instruction manual for figuring out life’s problems. But, realistically, I would agree. I think, that if you teach, and it is in a way that a person can access their own innate knowing of truth, that is the only teaching of value.
image: peregrinacultural
In my experience, if we want the “instruction manual” for life, we’re better off to allow those “problem” aspects of ourselves, to be alive. That way they don’t act out a kicking screaming rebellion, and we come to learn that they really aren’t so problematic. If this aspect is there, why not give it space, give it the time it needs for us to hear it and understand it. In this way, our inner battles can cohabitate. Instead of going crazy trying to avoid it, deciding to know it, gives this “problem” aspect room to breathe and move toward functioning healthily.
It’s by Grace that we know anything of our deeper existence. But that tide that makes us float on the whims of free will is something we can learn to cherish. Learning to read and understand that tide will refine our free will to work for us rather than against us. But we need to provide the environment for our understanding to come, simply through our willingness. There is no guidebook for that, no compass to pull from our pocket, to lead the way. What is more likely is that we have a candle. Often, we need to light that candle in the dark of night, seeing only within the sphere of light that lands on the map that we were born with. It’s us who holds that map, and we move the candle to illuminate more of the map. That candle, which may have dripped down to a nub from having been lit so many times before.
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It’s in those times, that feel as still and black as standing in the dark of the Mongolian desert on a moonless night, that we’re open to hearing the strike of the match. It’s necessary to know the significance of the match that lights the candle. In our lives it can be anything, nature, the sight of an animal, a friend or parent….it’s only then, at these times of quiet, when we’re yearning for a roadmap the most, that we begin to respect the match that lights the candle. Once the candle is lit, the knowledge is our own. From here it’s our decision what to do with the light, and to apply what we’ve already come to understand and know of it. No one can do that for us. With that candle lit, we can look up from the map and into the darkness. It’s wild out there, but we’re given a new courage with the tiny light from our candle; we grow a willingness to search the darkness, eyes wide.
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Suddenly, you know you can do this, you know it’s in you and you know it’s out there for you. Find it. Walk it. Become it. Have that wonder in your eyes, your face, your heart and let that be from where you listen, this will be what guides you. Then, when you tumble into the narrow confines of the darkness of “problems”, know again it is not about the actual darkness but about your willingness to hear the strike of the match that lights the candle.
"And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it." ~Roald Dahl
]]>A number of people took it upon themselves to let me know that I looked like a "bone rack". I felt extremely self-conscious from their input, and felt betrayed by the entitlement they felt, to offer their “concern” for my appearance, without being given an invitation to do so. I was 21 when I saw the movie Baraka, and I walked out of the theatre that night, a decided vegetarian. Having seen in that film, the treatment of chickens in the “food industry”, I just couldn’t pull myself to contribute to that kind of devastation and cruelty, now that my eyes had been opened to it. This was in the days before alternatives for “organic” and “free range” meats. So, with little choice for an option, I remained a vegetarian for ten years.
Vegetarianism, combined with a high metabolism, meant I couldn’t keep the pounds on. I was waif thin and I knew it, so I didn’t need everyone else telling me how unhealthy I looked. It wasn’t until I learned the reason why I remained so thin, that I began eating meat again. Luckily, by this time (as said, ten years later), there were a few butchers in town, selling organic, free range, meat options, from local farms. Otherwise I would have continued on with vegetarianism, unfortunately. I hadn’t known that the mechanics of my body require meat to thrive. So, I came to a juncture where I was met with Ahimsa, a concept I hadn’t been exposed to as a Yogic practice, but obviously I had an innate understanding of it, as all of us do. So, bigger than being faced with the question of Ahimsa, I was met with my own moral dilemma around my feelings of the killing and treatment of an animal, or inflicting further damage to myself. My “dilemma” was the challenge that I learned and grew from, more than if I had just followed the outline of Ahimsa as instructed.
Slowly finding my way through my dilemma taught me, that we do leave a footprint in this world; regardless of how much, with all our hearts, we might not want to. We can’t help making an impact, and we need to find compassion for ourselves within that understanding (Ahimsa in itself). I’m not studied in the Christian Bible, but my personal reflections through this learning process, led me to wonder if this is what it means in saying that we’re born “sinners”. If in fact, the Bible is indicating to have compassion around that as fact. This process taught me that we will do harm or do “the wrong thing”, because we’re human. That’s not to promote a “get out of jail free” card, in fact far from that. It’s part of our Dharma to make mistakes and to see how we correct them.
I always say that guilt isn’t productive; so a better practice is the self-reflection and the discipline, the personal accountability, of holding ourselves to the standard that we ultimately reveal to our own self. What is productive, is making a conscious choice around what we’re doing. Do we know why we’re doing what we’re doing? Have we considered the impact and consequence of our actions? Are we doing it in moderation (removing something completely can be just as harmful as doing something too much)? Who are we in what we’re doing, regardless of anyone else? Are we living to a moral and ethical code that we can live with?
What’s funny is, that I don’t judge the food choices of others, it’s the people around me, who look at me and judge themselves. Too often I hear, “Oh you practice yoga, you must not eat meat”, while they sheepishly hover over their steak.
*image credit pp.vk.me
The literal translation of Yama is “restraint”. They are the restraints influencing our social conduct. Yet, in the practice of them, they also influence us deeply as an individual. Living by them as a guideline, the Yamas alter our inner blueprint of perspective. In their simplicity, they cultivate personal insight that can be game changing. I say “simple” because, when unfamiliar with these codes of conduct, many people commonly bluster, “W-well I’m not violent”. And of coarse we’re not. Each Yama is a code of conduct that any logical adult can understand, it’s our emotions that need the updating. We don’t go about physically hurting others, nor do we carry the intent to do so. However, we are aggressive (violent) internally, through our thoughts (to self or otherwise), most definitely in our speech to one another, and in our careless actions. All of these have a ripple effect which we don't often consider.
When we hear the word “restraint”, we opt to run for the hills. We’re a species that wants to be able to do what we want as it suits us; and so, we consider “restraint” a deprivation of that. We think we’re losing our freedom, and that we’re being told what we can and cannot do. We think we’re being stripped of our freedom to make one decision which suits one emotion, followed by a completely different decision based on the emotion which arrives a few minutes later. We think we’re being torn from the ensuing confusion that arises from “liking” and “wanting” based on the highs and lows of what we think and feel. Somehow this is considered “freedom” in the modern world. What’s startling is that this is a form of enslavement. Living in this way is being weak to our whims. The Yamas make it very clear to us, how much of our lives we’re living based on our emotions.
The irony is, that we have freedom only when we learn restraint. The Yamas as restraints, help us to define ourselves, they help us understand who we are as deeper than the whims. The ocean has many waves, all manner of size, chopping along the surface; but within the belly of the ocean, lies the buoyant current that flows cohesively. That cohesive part of the ocean is where the species of the ocean live, they only come up to the surface for play.
To be interested in waking up in the morning and defining our day by that list of Yamas, brings us layer through layer into awareness around behaviours which could be cleaned up, so to speak. We grow to become more familiar with those times when we overstep our bounds into another’s experience, we identify when we want to manipulate the truth so we can make something easier for ourselves, we feel it when we let a door close behind us in the face of the next person coming through. This increased awareness is actually increased knowledge of who we are. This knowledge is what gives us our freedom. Because this knowledge is the deeper buoyancy of the ocean that influences stable choices, unlike the choices of our whimsy, which chop around based on what wave we’re riding in the moment.
The freedom we experience in our personal lives, through honouring the Yamas and seeking the personal information they reveal, is worth the moments of skin crawling discomfort that can arise from such revelations. But once we crawl through one personal discomfort and experience the groundedness on the other side, we never want to return to the careless whimsy of our weakness to a thought, which may never have been our own in the first place. We’re free because we’re holding ourselves to a higher standard, we expect more from ourselves than what is media fed, and we learn that life isn’t about arriving at a perfected point. We no longer need to admire others for their “je ne sais quoi”, because we’ve found that “je ne sais quoi” within ourselves. This is freedom.
*photo credit: southernliving
]]>From a moment of meditative reflection, to shared tears and laughter, time spent around a cup of tea is what makes the experience a world of its own. I read a post on social media recently, about a simple cup of tea….or, maybe it was penned as, the simplicity of a cup of tea, I don’t remember exactly. Regardless, my thoughts jumbled into thinking, “But a cup of tea isn’t simply just a cup of tea?! I mean, lives are built around cups of tea!” Whether we sit alone in silence pondering our thoughts with that cup of tea, or share a cup with friends and family (perhaps fumbling with etiquette around pinky up or pinky down), there is so much storytelling, wisdom and light shared around a cup of tea. These times fostering enough compassion and empathy, that frivolities of the pinky surely don’t matter. And maybe that’s it….maybe because tea is so simple, so pure and reliable, that everything opens up (or pours out) around that purity, as any kind of truthful moment provides. Truth just doesn’t require complexities, it has its own legs to stand on.
Cups of tea have heard absolutely everything, from the deepest secrets (taboo or otherwise), to the most mundane, yawn inspiring drivel. Cups of tea have sat with us as our only friend, have nursed us back to health, have gone cold waiting for our conversation to take pause long enough for a sip. A cup of tea has seen us through the loss of family members, the joy of greeting a new child, has blanketed us in the sleepy shadows of 2AM. I will forever remember my Grandmother’s way of asking, “would you like a cup of tea?”…no matter for healing tears, sitting for a bit (with a little biscuit), or just because it’s considered an essential part of the day…sharing the news even when there isn’t any to share.
A cup of tea finds itself being poured in the garden, the kitchen or family room, it’s even poured at the front stoop. It’s poured at the corner tea shop, bringing neighbours together for an impromptu social gathering; enabling a community to thrive as neighbours catch up with news and gossip, or endeavour to solve the matrix of a chess game. Most urgently a cup of tea is poured straight from kettle to cup…these ones are a crying shame but loyalty remains. A cup of tea develops and maintains bonds across generations…through its simple ritual and its heartwarming memories that could never be replaced. The heart hears these moments around the tea pot as clearly as the cup does. This is where we heal, even when nothing is wrong…we commune, we do what humans do best…we listen, we contribute, we work things out, but most of all, we engage. We learn that life is not all glitz and glam but nor is it all bad. They seem to be one, the heart and the tea…both knowing the same secrets and dreams without a sliver of betrayal to either. If a cup of tea could speak, I don’t know if it would want to..but what could it say? Like the heart, cups of tea have heard it all, having silently invoked our confidence and trust; gleaning threads of connection from the chatter it invites, yet leaving with no trace of judgement nor threat of exposure.
Tea, it stains our teacups it stains our teeth, from English tea to Assam tea, from Indian Chai to Moroccan mint, Turkish tea to Chinese tea leaves…they all tell a story, and some, even your fortune. A cup of tea is a ritual, it’s a blend. There is science around ritual that when performed brings any event to life. In the deepest teachings of Yoga, the Vedic Seers knew the science of sequence; they knew that, bringing life to a seed required a sequence of steps. The shared experience that unfolds around a cup of tea was preceded by a specific series of steps. And like those steps leading to pure awareness, these steps can’t be skipped. When something so simple touches the Soul, you sit with it…because somehow you just can’t help it.
]]>I know nothing about the black holes of outer space…but I think they are spaces that draw things into themselves? Regardless, I do know they are considered spaces in which light cannot escape. Recently, when reading a dialogue between Krishnamurti and one of his students, I got to thinking….about black holes and about light, and about our modern world.
I notice in our world today, that many people are “suffering”, even within daily life. We’re suffering in an attempt to keep up with a life which many can no longer comprehend, due to all of the global violence; suffering to keep up with financial burden; suffering to explain life to our children when we’re no longer recognizing the ways of the world ourselves; suffering to keep up with the speed of technology…basically, we’re suffering in our attempt to keep up with a life that has become so confusing in its daily, global overwhelm, because we’re trying to fit our very nature into this. Yet this is not possible. The outer world has become so out of alignment that our inner nature knows not to go there. Our inner nature knows not to try to keep up. Yet our minds and egos keep tracking this synthetic construct…as well as its speed. Hence, we suffer, we’re split…and the result is, we’re becoming unavailable…we dim our light, we’re not as accessible to friends and family, to the community and to the environment, because we’re chasing after what we’re told to chase….and we’re falling behind. We feel like we’re losing on a daily basis because the system isn’t designed to be caught, it’s designed to “need” it. So we each end up in our own inner worlds trying to fix what we think we’re doing wrong. We lose sight of the bigger perspective, which is inclusive of others. And this isn’t right.
Embedded within this, we’re fed inspiring catch phrases like “follow your heart”, “live your dreams”, or whatever it may be, but these positive statements remain out of reach because we’re chasing our light, rather than being our light.
Our light and our hearts grow quickly and abundantly through the giving of them. The more we give of our light the more it grows. This is the irony. The more we chase our light in the daily grind, the more we lose it, the more we withdraw into an isolated darkness. The more we offer our light in the true sense of it, the more our light grows and it buoys us. We’re no longer chasing our light then, instead, we’re giving it and therefore being it. We have an abundant Spirit, and the way we follow our heart’s desire is when we’re giving it to others. This is very different from chasing some media fashioned model of the heart. We’re currently in a monetized system of “follow your heart”, which is meant for the corporate world to profit from. They seek your need to learn how to “follow your heart” or “dream”...there is no need to learn because we already know this. It's a self-serving system for the corporate world because it’s designed for profit. It will never work for a human being at an individual scale. The commercialism of “follow your heart” is modelled for a construct which is nailed down by the media, which furthers our tumble through the black hole. The heart is anything but self serving, so this commercialized model will never work.
To follow your heart, and to follow your dreams means to give of yourself…your very self and what you find in there….not your money, not a smattering of time to a cause at a designated time of year, not a new self-help book…but a daily, willing, offering of yourself; waking up to the morning and asking God “what can I give today…and to whom”? This draws from the wellspring of your best self, your willing self, your generous and beaming self. Everyone then becomes rich, everyone becomes fulfilled, and supported…the light and the love only grows from that place inside. From there you are living your dream.
*image credit: nomadicmatt
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I remember being a little kid, on one particular day, I wanted to play Hide and Seek with the seemingly “bigger” kids. They let me play, but it meant I had to be IT…they left me with one instruction, they told me to count for one minute. I remember that I didn’t know how to do that but I didn’t want to tell them…they were the big kids. So I decided to count to ten a bunch of times. This was enough. I was reminded of this the other day, when I came across this:
“One tree can start a forest,
One bird can herald spring,
One smile can begin a friendship,
One hand can lift a soul,
One star can guide a ship at sea,
One word can frame the goal,
One sunbeam can light a room,
One candle can wipe out darkness,
One laugh can conquer gloom,
One hope can raise our spirits,
One touch can show you care,
One voice can wake up everybody,
One life can make the difference.
Be that one.”
-Author Unkown
Likewise, if we want the world to change, we need to be doing something toward changing it. We need to create a new paradigm in our thinking, because the old paradigm, that One can’t make a difference, is proving not to be true. So what does this mean? This must mean that what does work, is the paradigm of belief, that One Does make a difference. That’s one act of kindness, one fair choice, one conscious decision, one turn of a page, one word whispered….all of them count. Put a beaker outside your window, and at next rainfall, watch the drops land one by one inside that beaker….what happens? Take the time to watch it; seeing it in front of you means, you can no longer lie to yourself about the power of One making a difference. Then water your plant with it.
You might do one thing, and you might be the only one doing that one thing….but repeatedly doing that one thing, and you will have made a difference even within one month….for good or for bad, you decide. But that one decision has to be yours. You are the only one who can come up with it because that’s the only way you’ll follow through with it. But try this, and you will never again doubt the power of One. This One is what it takes to change the world. You by yourself, with this one thing, is what it takes to change the world. Don’t believe it? Try it, for one month and see where that one takes you.
If each person who’s reading this makes that one decision to do that one thing, that’s a collective, making one change all at once….that changes the world. That creates enough momentum to move mountains. That creates enough inner fulfillment to stop violence. That creates enough empowerment, through effective decision making, to stop lying. If you want the world to change, you need to be the One to do it. You don’t need to run around with loudspeakers and banners…simply turn off that one light in the empty room, turn off the running tap, turn off the needlessly idling car, eat one supper without your phone… you need to make one decision around one thing and do it for one month. This is the only way to create change in the world.
Yelling at the TV from your lazyboy, waving your remote control in the air while you do it, is no longer acceptable. Speeding past a slow driver while you spotlight your middle finger at him, is no longer an option. No one is destroying our comfort for us. It’s not “the government” or “those people in that religion” or “those people in that race” or “that sex” or “those migrants”….WE’RE the people behind and within, those neat little clusters. WE are the Ones, not THEM. WE create change by recognizing our value within the group, and we use our value to either participate or ride along. We’re at the point where riding along is no longer in the cards. We’re at a point where we need to grow up enough emotionally, that we face what needs to be done responsibly. We show up. Showing up is our duty as a human being. If we’re not showing up, then we’re riding a fantasy and have no place complaining….about anything. If you don’t like what you have to offer, if you don’t like yourself….it’s up to you to challenge that belief, so you can contribute productively to the shared responsibility of balancing out this world. It’s just one decision…how much power does that take….depends on how you see it. But none of us have any right to just tag along for the ride anymore. Buckle up folks and let's get ‘er done.
]]>Yoga has become a very loud, very obnoxious industry. It’s everywhere a person looks…yoga studios, yoga pants, yoga bras, yoga bodies, yoga videos, yoga accessories…yoga yoga yoga. This is the gleaming industry of business…the industry of people who like to make money and know how to make it, through exploitation and through feeding human insecurities. The yoga industry is the same as any other….the cosmetic industry, the vitamin industry, the oil industry, the carpet industry….you name it, it’s an industry like all others. Profitable and glamourized. The more beautiful it becomes with catch phrases and beautiful young girls, the more this industry grows, and remains that subliminal message of “you need this”. When it’s everywhere, we become so saturated in the message, that we don’t even know we’re absorbing it anymore; we just come to terms with yoga being what the industry says it is. Without any questioning of it. And this isn’t going away, there are more people “practicing” various imaginings of yoga than ever before…and these numbers aren’t going down.
We’re refining the nutrients out of Yoga, the same way we do with fast food. This way, it can be the quick consumption that the mainstream prefers, so they can get on with something else. It is for this reason that I created my website. Because there are teachers out there who are still remaining true to Yoga as a lineage, as a discipline, as a way of fostering acceptance and an aligned way of life, as a way of honouring traditional teachers of each lineage. And, believe it or not, there are students who do long to know where to find these teachers; teachers who can support them in their own growth of the practice toward greater self awareness.
As the numbers of yoga teachers multiplies, the fewer there are who can really support their students, who can really provide the true nature of the practice of Yoga. The yoga we’re forced to gulp down is a message of “already having arrived” and “having arrived perfectly” (bleached hair, bikinis and ponytails) with zero effort to get there. Where is the self-knowledge in this? Traveling to India for a YTT without knowing that Yoga is about self-knowledge? What a joke…traveling to the “Source” for your teacher training without knowing this! Yoga has become beyond a dream, it has become a fantasy. Oh, the irony.
I’ve traveled to India many times and I’ve experienced the learning curves in the same way there, as I have at home. It’s not necessary to go to India for this self awareness. If we know that self-awareness is the Yoga of yoga, then we can sift the fantasy out of the image. We can get down to brass tacks and deal with ourselves, wherever and whenever we are. If we know that Yoga is based on self-awareness, then it’s absurd to travel to the “mother land” for a certificate just to say you did it…it’s abhorrent. It’s abhorrent because of its destructiveness.
Yoga takes a lot of grit, Yoga takes a lot of courage, Yoga requires daily reminders and discipline. Yoga is to be respected to the extent that it respects you. Because it will guide you through your challenges…and anyone who says they’re never challenged and never have been, are living on another planet entirely. I have deep respect for the Yoga Teachers who are committed to sharing the teachings they have learned (and lived) from their own Teachers. I support them the best I can through the community of sharing their works on my website…as they struggle to stay afloat in a world of “Barbie yoga” (as one of my students calls it). There are beautiful stories shared from each teacher on my website, because they have the strength and personal confidence to have been vulnerable enough to reveal themselves…..their loves and struggles with the practice.
A vast majority of teachers today don’t even know what that is…and they don’t know that they don’t know. I strive for honesty on my page because Yoga will strip you to the bone in the most beautiful way, if you let it….and this is a scary thought for those who are just stepping in to it…they need to trust that others who have gone before them have survived the journey. Yes, many have and we’ve got your back. You alone walk through your own journey, but it’s comforting to know that it’s normal to be afraid, it’s normal to think you don’t know what to do, it’s normal to want to turn back but you can’t…it’s normal to have walked half way into the rushing river and have no idea what to do. And then it’s normal to come out the other side, having benefitted from the few bruises you’ve been left with. You will be ok on this journey because Yoga will take care of you. Get gutsy, get real, be afraid…you will be so glad that you did. I trust any one of those Yoga Teachers I have listed on my website to support you as you go forward…and I’m always on the lookout for adding new teachers and what they offer, so keep your eyes on it.
Always remember your humanity…for good or for bad…you will fall, you will blunder, you will do things splendidly, and you will rock the boat…but to love and be kind is the best we can do with it all. Our best is really all that things ever come back to…and our best is better on some days than it is on others. But our intent behind what we do is what makes it all count. From our intent we bring our heart, and from our heart we acknowledge our humanity.
It’s from our humanity that we draw our courage. To thrive in today’s world takes courage…not to survive as a daily existence, but to really thrive as a daily experience. Showing up to anything we do is the most important part of it all….because showing up with good intent to do our best, the best we can with what we have, can do no harm. It is in this aspect of our humanity that we bring our most valuable tools, skills, and attributes, because we haven’t succumbed to our self-doubt or undermining our capabilities.
Once we begin to doubt ourselves, and insecurity sets in, automatically we drop into making choices that are not true to our nature, they become choices which are more culturally acceptable, whether they are good or not, whether they are innate to our own heart or not. From here we begin to chip away at our humanity. We mold ourselves into something we’re not. This shuts down a piece of us and it shuts down a connection to that piece…we’re no longer a fully integrated human being. And when we’re not fully integrated, we’re not functioning optimally. This is when we begin to get depressed, lethargic, angry, any number of imbalances arise. To this we search for a “remedy” which we know won’t fix anything, but we no longer know what will fix it. And we begin to make outward mistakes which really aren’t so great.
Mistakes made from the best self are not the same as mistakes made from a self which has become more narrowly focused. From our best self we’ve opened up our perspective which brings forth our compassion. But we need to move away from equating our “best” with “success”, as defined by modern day cultural perceptions. To equate our “best” with the material “success” of the system of society, is to define our self by a measure of nothing. Society is made up of humans and humans are fickle…and all of us are fumbling along figuring it out as we go. We’re a humanity which, for the most part, has proven it will turn its face toward whatever new and easy and gleaming trend is next. There is no loyalty in that, no stability, nothing long lasting…so why base our belief about our success, and the evolution of our own dream, on humanity's measure of it. This measure is nothing at all…nothing could be more defeating. Considering the real success in life is not valued culturally. This lack of popularity engages us in acts of success which leave us feeling empty, and yearning to fill that emptiness. Our purchasing, eating, sex lives…so easily turn into unbalanced, unhealthy acts of grasping, as we attempt to use them for gain. We don’t experience them as expressions of fulfillment, of an inner harmony of being well on the inside. These leave a trail on our heart that constantly remind us that our internal best and outward success don’t necessarily dance together in glitzy glam fashion. Gauging our wellness instead, by knowing we show up and we offer our best in any situation…our “best” is our “success”.
Traditional value systems of any culture which are quickly losing popularity, are life’s guide to success…rely on these as you measure your steps…they’ve been brought forward through millennia for a reason. Anything that stands the test of time has integrity, and when aligned with this, our best is infused with love and kindness, and this is the true form of success (whether we like to admit it culturally). Dreams are meant to endure…so don’t base its unfoldment or its fruition on what others think. What humans think is whimsical, and is about whatever suits our fancy in the moment. Instead, define your dream by whether it has value to life…measure your success in that way, and show up as your best for that purpose. Define and form your dream to what is successful in the eyes of life, of enduring values which are life’s mathematical precision of success. Live the dream which serves life and fosters life, this is your best.
photo credit: artistsnetwork
]]>Upon seeing a yoga class from a view at the door, my eyes wide, my mouth gaping, a foreign world of thought tumbled forward:
Look at all those people! How do all those people fit in one room arms in the air, front knee bent? What is that teacher offering them that they want to crowd into a room like that? How does this happen? What is the teacher thinking when he sees all of this…does he feel inspired by the turnout? Can he see everyone who he’s talking to? Is it just a business for him? How did all these people find out about the class? What made ALL of them feel it was a good idea to go to THIS class? Do they know why they went and what they’re there for? Is the teacher part of the industry…or is the teacher really that authentic? And teaching to that many students, who’ve all come crowding in, wouldn’t our world be a little better than it is? Or maybe it’s not the teacher, but what these students are willing and ready to receive from the teacher? Are they ready to receive authentic teaching, or did they crowd into this room because everyone else did? Do they know this answer? Are they connected to their heart, or are they only going through the motions? Are they aware of their capacity to grow? Are they aware of this concept, or are they just taking in the instruction from the teacher (physically, philosophically)…so that they have more to say…more yoga to talk about?
So many questions, and are they valid? I rarely have a positive experience in these rooms full of people. I usually feel like running out of them, I can’t roll up my mat soon enough. But I do know when I’m in a space which is welcoming and inclusive, even if we’re still practicing and growing our comfort zones. I do know this. Inclusive spaces can be crowded too, but somehow, in a different way. I don’t know about these other crowded spaces, they feel foreign to me. What do these people do with themselves when they’re not crowded into this space? Do they consider their practice further, or was it an hour they got done in their day, and have now moved on to something else? Like, what are they doing now that they’re not in that crowded room listening to the teacher’s instructions? What are they interested in when they’re not in this room? With so many millions of people “practicing yoga”, wouldn’t our world be heading in a better direction than it seems to be?
The truthfulness of our practice is Satya…and I wonder about this a lot, especially when we do things because of popularity. Truthfulness is not only about not lying, it is the ability to self-reflect. We define our perceptions by what we say and do, so understanding why and how we do what we do, is critical to Satya. Following through with being accountable for what we say and do is a marked sign of our development. Are we willing to mature in our practice of Satya? To become more knowledgeable about truthfulness, and wise with it, creates an intimacy with our practice. Being intimate with our practice is both uncomfortable and liberating, because it’s honest. This is why Satya is so scary for many people…we don’t want its discomfort, we don’t want its inconvenience, and we don’t know how to do it. When we do, we become removed from the crowd. But can we just do it anyway? Being accountable means we’ve thought through what we’ll say before we say it, or take action after having thought about the possible consequences, and whether these consequences stand up to what we talk about. Are we willing to clear up misunderstandings and consider others? Our society today fosters no accountability, nor do most crowded yoga studios, so we’re not required to develop this skill nor our practice. I’m not saying this about all crowded classes…I just wonder about the chronically crowded classes.
photo credit: wanderlust
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Sometimes, I think an aspect of ourselves which pops up in our practice, is an unanticipated relentlessness. The gift of increasing self insight can instead be turned into a drive for continual “betterment” of ourselves…suddenly it can seem that there is so much to look at and address personally. As if we’re realizing we’ve been doing something wrong all this time and now how are we going to fix it. Firstly, know you weren’t doing anything wrong…hopefully what you were doing was the best with what you knew about yourself. Have this compassion for self, ultimately it will help you recognize a connection with others. This feeling that “If we’re not careful…” can create a critical eye which stems from the competitive internal space which needs to get to an “other” than where we are. Take care with this, don’t lose the supportive purpose of Yoga through a thick blanket of market based perceptions.
What if there is nothing “Wrong”, nothing to “Attain” from Yoga? Humans generally aren’t ok with that. What if Yoga is just our pedestrian walk through Life? Daily life for the most part, is pretty uneventful and again, we’re trained to perceive that as boring or uninteresting. We usually rely on this passive perception when we’re not really getting the message. The message of Life is usually embedded within layers of understanding and perception. For example, we’ve all had those moments that come on like a light and we say, “Oh yeaaah”, smiling brightly, finger in the air, like pointing out layer upon layer of things that are suddenly understood, and were all embedded in that one moment. The gloriousness and magic of life is in this simplicity, but we’re trained to omit this experience for the obnoxious sounds and visuals that constantly override it. Egoic stimulation is exaggerated for the purpose of driving up our level of anxiety. The neediness that this anxiety creates forces us to run after and desperately chase whatever is being dangled in front of us. This leaves residing in the quiet simplicity of life as a big challenge. It grows to feel like simplicity is not enough, and so it doesn’t capture our attention. It usually captures our attention though, but in that underground gnawing kind of way. We really personally have to be the one to call our own self to attention on this. It has to be a personal choice to really discipline our own self, and to stand firm because no one else is going to do it for us. Culturally it’s not accepted or fostered. It has to be your choice.
Yoga is the last thing of a human developed ideal. It is the most natural independent flow of spontaneity. This can’t be controlled in itself, it can only arise. We tune our personality toward it through our practices, but Yoga isn’t necessary as a practice in itself, because it just arises. It’s that same spark that creates the heartbeat. It’s our attention to Yoga that is the practice. The practice is our refinement of what we’ve grown to perceive. By refining our own self, we give the freedom for the Yoga to arise; we’ve given it the space to move in and as our daily life. So you see, the cultural framework around Yoga won’t work, it won’t support the mystery of the Soul; if anything, the framework will suffocate our personal Yoga as it’s done all along. The real reality is, you’ll sort it out as you go.
]]>Cocktail Umbrellas are more important than we realize. Usually accompanied by a maraschino cherry and a slim slice of orange, those bright little, paper decorations are always found in a cheery coloured cocktail drink in yellow or pink. Innocently, and unbeknownst to them, these umbrellas hold a lot of power. And they are so important in fact, that there are countless images of them set in front of a sun bleached seascape, gliding us off into the Lala Land of our scintillating, romantic dreams of far-off sunsets and clear blue skies. These umbrellas are important because of their symbolic power; their ability to take us to our sense of imagining, which is our creative center.
Given practical access to a tropical getaway or not, this time to daydreaming that a Cocktail Umbrella provides, is so significant, that it is essential to our wellbeing. This meandering space of aimless mental wandering is our most precious resource, because it’s where we begin to sense what makes us tick in a very deep and personal way. Everything begins from the space of emptiness whether we realize it or not. Our imagination is the beginning of tapping in to what that vast silent space is telling us. Paying attention to what it reveals is productive, which is unlike finger-painting colours around in a fantasy. To take those hard earned hours of focused mind and allow it the free reign of creativity is the only way to produce our purpose, what we’re here on this Earth to do. It’s a beautiful, enriching, soul nourishing time, to be in this state of imagination.
While in the thick of it, when the seemingly ridiculous pops forward as some unexpected thought, instead of kicking it out, ask yourself some questions around it, with a practical purpose in mind. This will begin to harness the dream and bring it into logical form. Once the mind accepts it as manageable, you’ll see ways to act on this new idea within your own creativity. To immediately slough it off as ridiculous is a misunderstanding of the dream as a whole, it’s to be blind to all of what it is…once you start questioning it into form (not with doubt but with inquiry) then you will begin to see its practicality and its possibility. To immediately poo-poo this new insight and deny it, is a misfortune not only to your own life but to anyone else it might serve in the long run. Should you bring this daydream into form you have no idea how many people might benefit from its goodness. There is as much of a ripple effect of not doing something as there is in doing something. Think about this. What you withhold could be hindering another by the very withholding, but sharing it could be benefitting that someone. Many don’t understand what it means to give of yourself, of your love in this way.
So, the next inspiring dream you have, try what’s next:
First, Be at Peace with your Dream: Anxiety arises with anything new and unrecognized. It arises in many different forms (anger, jangled nerves, overwhelm, etc.) and it arises for many different reasons…but keep going because anxiety simmers down. Many of us deny and rail against our imagination because we judge it as unrealistic. So, we jump on it, trying to put it out in the same way we would throw a blanket to suffocate an unexpected fire. Of course a dream is unrealistic and impractical at this stage of the game, it’s never been done before! Nothing has yet been learned from it or by it, or how to do it. You need to focus now, hone in on it and refine your skill around it. The dream will show you how as you walk along with it. But be prepared because it will require you to be more of yourself…this leads to step two.
Step Two is, Bring It Back to Focus: Now that we’ve let go and given enough free rein for the imagination to kick in, we bring it back to focus (remember those focused hours you’re used to?). Focus and listen, listen deeply and with your whole heart. This is a refined listening, through the space of the heart, not the mental searching and grasping of the mind. Listening can come through sound definitely: through a snippet of what someone says to you at a seemingly odd time, or something unusually relevant in a song you’ve heard many times, or a confirming sound of a pindrop as you blink at the moment of a bright idea. But if our other senses are more dominant, then listening can also come visually, or as a deep knowing at the deepest heart sense, it can come as a symbol that simply uplifts you…you will recognize your own language because you experience it as set apart from other experiences. Give credence to all, in all senses it comes to you.
Now Step Three is, Take action: But this isn’t willy-nilly action of desperately doing SOMEthing, it’s the taking action according to how opportunity is presented. Now this takes a continued refinement of our senses. To continue to be watchful for opportunities is a new muscle being developed. There are indeed those moments when opportunity appears to come and you sit and question “is this the one?”. Usually the need to question shows that this is the one showing you that THE ONE is on its way…so continue as you are. When it IS the ONE there will be no doubt. Taking action will require habit adjustments, and you may need to give something up (most likely you will) and that can be uncomfortable…but you will do it when the IT you’ve been aiming toward arrives. And it all arose from your daydream on the beach or in the bookstore, your time dallying in the canoe on the lake or sewing a new quilt. It arrived in that time when you were meandering, wandering idly and free in your mind of creativity…that is when it arrived. By the time you’re at step three you’re seeing it but it was alive long before then.
You can do this. It might not be perfect, and it most likely won’t be, but maybe it will be, and maybe it will be beautiful in a way you never expected. In any case, it will be better than where you are now because you will be connected to your purpose, and this brings contentment and fulfillment like nothing else can. We can often rail against what we’re meant to do, thinking it’s not what we want to do…but what we’re meant to do is really what we want to do, Ego or no Ego. I think many don’t understand the luxury and necessity of healthy, dynamic dreaming.
]]>Racism, sexism, sexual orientation, and world religions are the most heated topics globally as fuel for disagreement; all of them relating to something “different” from our own self. This difference seems to be about a lack of understanding of “the other”, and not so much about anything based on truth. We’re uncomfortable when we don’t understand, so we try to deal with it by dominating rather than learning. We see it all the time through denial of rights, or by fighting it out without any aim toward reconciliation. These tactics make us think we’re dealing with getting rid of it, obliterating it. The way we respond from our own ignorance to the outer world quite literally mirrors our response to what we don’t understand about our personal inner world. When we don’t understand a part of our own self we usually try to shut it down or pretend it’s not there. We reject it.
We’re masters at holding on to what we don’t understand, which is most often our sadness and fear…countless ways we find to psychoanalyse it. In this way we can have a bit of a love affair with it…we can while away hours, days even, mulling through our fears, feeding them and adding on with any morsel of a match we can use from the external world; but ultimately doing nothing about it, this is as far as we go. We’ll choose to rip out our own heart before we’ll choose to understand our pain and sadness. When we don’t understand what we consider “wrong” with us, it becomes “the other” which then gets pushed into a heap of the unknown…not knowing what it is or what to do with it. Until one day we give ourselves no option but to understand it.
When we reach this point in our lives, when we’re most sad and have no choice but to face it head on, expressing the love we have is the happiest thing we can do. Somehow our genuine happiness resides in what we have to offer, what we have to give to this world. We can’t recognize this once we’ve become critical of our own essence (or an aspect of it); instead we attempt to pinch off that which gives us life…but our essence is all we’ve got, and trying to deny its presence or existence is damaging at a critical level. And if we’re not giving we’re receding, we stop, we don’t seem to exist anymore…not really. And it’s this that seems to make us sad. We come to live in a closet of self containment, self control…of our actual being.
To instead develop the ability to encompass that part of our humanity provides healing, because that’s the place in us that really cares. When we have the capacity to connect with what we’re ashamed of within, we can teach ourselves about our own emotional lives. This is something we’re never really taught, we just know if we feel good or bad, and if it feels bad we want to get rid of it…and that’s it, that’s about the extent of our emotional development. But the more we can sit with ourselves as we are, the more accepting we become of ourselves; and from here, it’s our love, care, and compassion which become the deeper motivation to heal…it’s from here that we transform. From here we care about the reality of this part of ourselves, not about escaping its illusion…if we try to escape we just end up spinning our wheels. If our only aim is to get rid of our suffering then you won’t heal because we haven’t touched into the part of us that loves.
A genuine Yoga practice will guide us through this unsteady terrain until we’ve found our feet on the solid ground of self-acceptance. At such a turning point, it’s common to dive more deeply into our practice. When we have a genuine relationship with the fullness of Yoga, we begin to discover the lifeline of its teachings. An authentic Yoga practice is an integral part of integrating with our self. We become whole; we’re no longer trying to cut off undesirable parts of ourselves like a wonky limb. Instead we become integrated. We assist and become assisted by, all aspects of ourselves like one working unit. This in itself provides contentment. The teachings of Yoga can provide a place to become comfortable with, accepting of, at peace with, all aspects of ourselves…even our ugly bits (which will always be there). We learn that our fear has its place and we learn how unhappy (even depressed) we become when that fear stops our flow of love. Why were we originally fearful of this aspect anyway? Often because it doesn’t match what we’re taught to funnel ourselves into as “normal”, which is a very narrow scope of life. When we understand, our sad and unaccepted parts become teachers. These parts often provide that which we have to offer others, and with which we can be of genuine service.
To be of genuine service is a very personal expression because of its evolution from the depths of a previously painful aspect. This is healing; this is where we discover the Grace of its purpose, and how it leads us to serve those around us. It’s an opportunity to realize our grief and sadness over losing connection with our own humanity; but that grief indicates that we do indeed care. Returning to that conscious connection with our essence brings us such a feeling of self honour. This isn’t easy in the beginning, there is a development of stamina necessary. An inner listening is developed which will be what guides us through the quagmire of this dark story we’ve made around what we’re not accepting. In process, we develop the power of understanding that this feeling we carried about ourselves isn’t who we are, it is temporary. From here we move on to greater, requiring more from ourselves and understanding others. Our universality is revealed.
Above all, it gives us an Intimate connection with our humanity, our humanity is our God self, where resides an intimacy with our sorrows and our joys. We don’t need to be protective of our love when we’re in the flow of who we are. The love that stems from who we are isn’t twisted and gnarled up in manipulation, expectation, neediness and control which are all based an agenda and fear. No, when we’re just simply being our loving self we can be it no matter what others think of it, no matter the trials we face. We become freed up in our love because we no longer feel threatened by whether it’s approved of or not…because we don’t carry expectation with it. What comes to matter then, is that WE know the place from which is dwells.
photo credit: ranker
]]>Out of the mouths of babes, there it was: “YOGA WORKOUT”…words spoken innocently by one of my Yoga students but which, hit me like a roll of thunder. Everything about me felt like it morphed into Van Gogh’s “The Scream”. How had I failed her as her teacher? I blubbered within myself, “But whaa…everything I talk about is so NOT yoga as workout. Oh, my classes, oh whoa-is-me…”, then, the mental silence of being struck dumb. I had always thought I was imparting the idea of becoming more fully who we are through Yoga, by mindfully infusing the practice in all that we do. But here it was, the reality in this moment: one of my students was still relating to “yoga workouts”. How did this haaaaappen?? These two words somersaulted me into my competence as a teacher, my silent incomprehension was rolling fast and furious within me. The comment’s impact put me into a focused questioning within myself. Most of the forthcoming revelations actually ended up being inspiring; as I shifted around with ideas of what was perception, what was ego, what could be sorted and changed…for myself, for her as my student, and between us as student and teacher; both of us practicing the path of Yoga as individuals…but together. I was acutely attuned to the relationship between student and teacher, which is both a swimming interaction of learning and teaching between two people, yet a clearly defined development within a single individual, at the same time.
I, personally, have great respect for the word “teacher”, and it is an honour to be one. I feel the word “teacher” signifies the values, wisdom, and the knowledge from a lineage as old as time. And it is not to be taken for granted, that teachings will be brought forward in their true essence and with the authority of a master. The teacher needs to have lived it, walked it, experienced it, applied it, and gone deeply into it…without these lessons a person isn’t capable of imparting any of the resulting richness and truth into their teachings, because it just isn’t there in them. I feel Dr. David Frawley said it beautifully in one of his articles about Lord Shiva: “Those who practice yoga should always remember Shiva, the great lord of yoga. If one can surrender to Lord Shiva inwardly, all the powers and insights of yoga will naturally be revealed at the appropriate time and manner. Shiva is the inner guru of yoga and all true gurus function with his grace and insight”. It is by Grace that as a teacher, we are given any kind of competency and privilege to share sacred teachings to another. Without this Grace, we’re not capable. What makes us qualified to receive the Grace is only a guess, but it seems to be related to a genuine wish and devotion to that which is good and aligned with what is Life giving.
And so, like Murphy’s Law, there she was in her glaring overconfidence, having performed a number of yoga stretches, finalizing her display by lying on the floor with bare feet in the air, skirt having tumbled down her legs (or up them, whatever it is from that angle). A new recipient of her 200Hour YTT was “sitting” beside me in a workshop of the Patanjali Yoga Sutras. I think you can guess that this was pushing some of my buttons, and though she didn’t handle the class with the grace of a respectful student, the teacher handled it with the grace of a wonderful teacher. I so respected his response to her, which was to not have one. Sadly, we’ve created a closed minded attitude in modern times, toward authority, toward respect of the student teacher dynamic. This is demonstrated not only through unwillingness to be a student but as a flimsy respect as teacher. Clearly, being a student is a learning curve in itself these days. Students need to know the art of surrender, the giving over of the ego. We seem particularly challenged by this in the West, as if we’re somehow afraid that being a student is equated with being inferior…and so what if it does mean that? What if it means simply, that you don’t know as much as your teacher and that a level of humility is actually quite healthy at such times? Have we in the west ever considered that? Having humility is an awareness of respect, of honoring the wisdom of what has come before you, it’s not about an inferiority complex. Having awe and wonder for the passing down of timeless traditions and age-old wisdom is a gift to be grateful for…to be so inspired by, and in awe and wonder of. The discipline of letting yourself be guided, in a way which might rub your control issues the wrong way, is something to be thankful for. Because being teachable means we’re capable of gaining greater self-awareness which creates a more refined version of who we are. It is this quality that defines a teacher. If we feel we’re too good, too full of ourselves, to be teachable, we’ll never be qualified to lead. Can we have the humility to honour another who imparts something of value on us?
Needless to say, Guru Purnima is a day that I consider to be very special. The outpouring of genuine gratitude and honour shown toward true teachers on Guru Purnima recently, was a heart touching celebration. These devoted expressions of gratitude from student toward teacher gave me renewed hope in a world which has come to toss the word “teacher” off the tongue, in a manner that is without thought. Because it seems, for the most part, we have lost the understanding of the word “teacher” itself. Not only does this loss reflect our relationship toward the teacher, but what we think being the teacher is. This loss means that we lose the understanding of what qualifies us as a teacher, what to expect from our students, as well as what to expect from ourselves as a teacher. This all comes in to question. Guru Purnima allowed me to witness and offer, the respect for those who have gone before; honouring them for what they have come to know (perhaps through great challenges). This praise, not just for teachers who help us learn to memorize and recite our mathematics and facts, but for teachers who give of wisdom, knowledge, and insight toward an enlightened mind, was refreshing and as it ought to be.
Because teachers don’t have to teach, they teach because they care to do so. Sharing knowledge is an offering of great care and love. To be devoted, seeking, committed, accountable and disciplined are all traits to cherish as a student, because they develop us into someone worthy of being taught. Teaching is the way through which humanity brings timeless values forward into the present, without which we would be completely lost as a species.
]]>I have often felt betrayed by the Yoga “community”. What I had thought would be a true Sangha, a community of wise souls, has often turned out to be a group of popular “yogis” who hang out with each other and socialize. I’ve learned that it is rare to find a loyal community of supportive people, who are willing to connect deeply and in a mature way…a Sangha that is non-competitive and non-exclusive. Because really, how are either of those words a backbone to how I imagine “community” to be? They are anything but, and in fact, reminiscent of high school.
I don’t want to sound bitter about this, because I’m not, it’s that I’ve been disappointed and have become disheartened. And, as said, have felt betrayed in the past when I discovered this through personal experience. I was most betrayed by an American woman, who claimed to be on the Bhakti path….her façade of the soft appearance, and the compassionate heart was well developed…she even “lived in India” and was always surrounded by people who just loved her. But what I’ve found is, that commonly, the façade of yoga teachers being “caring” and “supportive” within a Sangha, is easy when insecurities aren’t threatened; but the cracks in the teacher’s practice widen when an inferiority complex is touched. And this is where it turns sad, when that lack of self-awareness still requires the old fall-back of impressing it on someone else…even as “a beloved yoga teacher”.
This often turns into power tripping from the person doing it, somehow trying to grasp back whatever they perceive as having been taken from them or lost. What bothers me is learning that yoga teachers who profess Oneness, are still competitive. Don’t claim to be the “yogi” if you can’t Be the Yogi….because most of us aren’t…we’re still on the path.
I’m not one to easily fall for the fake smiles and bouncing around like Life is all light and fluffy, now that we’re all happily practicing yoga…but when I connect with even the senior teachers, who continue a façade of loving kindness, yet are self serving in their ultimate aims, to the disrespect of another…this is where I’ve been had many a time. The number of times I have supported teachers in their work only to receive none in return when the time calls for it, disturbs me. I feel sadness for the fact that they are not only blind to this self centeredness but have a resistance to looking at it. And there is no one to hold them accountable to it, because they gravitate toward the “yogis” who foster all they like about themselves….so there is no challenge in their growth within this Sangha. In fact, they often misread the authentic Yoga of another, simply because of this uplifted view they have of themselves; thinking they’re somehow superior because of the length of time they’ve been “practicing”…no, sometimes the longer we “practice” the more apt we are at practicing the right words, the right body language, the right presence. All of this is easily created.
Any teacher who claims to have removed the self and yet walks a path of destruction over another, is not in Yoga. None of us bring the same qualities into Yoga, so we don’t need to have an insecure fear of someone being “better than” or “taking away from” us in some way. Having like mind around asana and living out our fantasies of a “yogic life” are not necessarily enough to be qualified as Sangha. What are the qualities of a healthy Sangha?...because a popularity contest it is not.
I feel the qualities we bring toward our students are those same ones we ought to bring to our Sangha, our fellow teachers….in support of one another’s growth, development and practice. I have a view of honouring what each teacher brings and being of support to them in their growth as a teacher, as we would in creating a healthy community of any kind. Loyalty, trust and accountability, are all aspects necessary for good healthy relationships, including the healthy body of Yoga, so why not support one another? All of us know the challenge of being an authentic Yoga teacher in the mountain of the yoga industry, so why not help each other grow, make it easier on ourselves and each other. I see community as engaging, responsive, supportive, sharing of knowledge, wisdom and experience…how else do we expect to pass on a healthy lineage? This then becomes a sharing amongst humans rather than holding up a desired image; it fosters being what you are rather than misusing yogic terms and phrases to paint an image that you don’t live behind. As adults we should be able to live up to these standards, if we’re living the practice that we claim to be…these aren’t qualities of perfection they’re qualities of maturity. This issue is just so common in the “yoga scene” that I can’t not address it.
My plane was to be in Bangalore, but I was standing at the baggage carousel in the partially constructed airport in Chennai. Three days to go and an email had landed in my Inbox from Air India, notifying me that I would be flying from Bali to Chennai instead of my expected Bali-Bangalore (and yes, this was the time of the famous book, but no, I did not intend to be on the Eat, Pray, Love trail). And so, my send off from Bali was in a VW van, as I whispered prayers for my wellbeing through whatever lay ahead. Rod Stewart’s song, “Forever Young” was blasting from the tinny speakers of this old caravan, ”May good fortune be with you, may your guiding light be strong” became my Mantra.
Getting my bearings in Chennai’s airport, I walked over to the taxi stand and hired a taxi to Pondicherry. I decided this might be a nice place to relax for a few days before my train ride across continent to Goa. I came to the stand and a wordless portly man, Danny DeVito’s Indian twin from his days in “Taxi” (hairstyle and everything), used his pen to scratch down my information. Honestly, he couldn’t have looked more bored with me. My taxi driver appeared, a wiry old man, about my height, stood there in his bare feet, pant legs of his chocolate brown uniform rolled just above the ankles. We went outside and loaded myself and my luggage into the back seat of his wee taxi and spun through the parking lot. I was looking around at how beautifully this man had decorated the interior of his taxi, when, at the lot’s exit we were already making our first stop…his boss, that short portly man who had registered me with the taxi, opened one of the back doors and crammed a life sized, pink stuffed teddy bear in the back seat with me…then he, himself, hopped in the front to ride shotgun. You just never know if you’re going to get where you’re going in some places.
Anyway, a short ways away we did drop him off, along with the bear, and the driver and I faced the road ahead…multiple unexplained stops still within the city limits included. Once we reached the highway though, we began to travel at a good clip, the Indian rain started to come down thick and heavy, could barely see anything. At one point, a flatbed truck started backing onto the freeway from a side road which the rain made impossible to see. My driver was not slowing down and was showing no signs of doing so…his bare foot rested heavy on that gas peddle as he pressed forward through the driving rain. I truly thought I was about to die, I called out to him about the truck, he turned directly around to look at me with a toothless smile and that Indian head bobble, but with the language barrier he didn’t know what I was trying to tell him. My urgent cry grew louder, pointing, he looked forward, swerved the taxi, and we carried on down the freeway unphased…like all was just a part of a normal day.
Getting into Pondicherry required a permit, and so my driver did all the legwork, letting me sit in the taxi for the twenty minutes wait. Once inside city limits, we could NOT find the hotel I had looked up, but he persisted, stopping to ask so many pedestrians if they knew, but no one did. Then out of the mist (the rain was stopping by that time), like an angel, there was a man on a bicycle who happened to be scouting town for prospects to rent his boss’s suite…that was the ticket, I nabbed it. This sweet, gentle soul of a taxi driver took me to the door, carried my bags, and placed them on a chair in my room. He was aiming to leave without any expectation of a tip, but I crammed 1000Rp in his hand, because after all I had been through traveling from Bali to this room we were standing in, his kindness and his generous efforts meant so much to me.
Turns out, I loved Pondicherry…I recommend it to anyone, it is gorgeous. It draws the French traveller, as it was once in the hands of the French; gorgeous remnants of the French influence in the architecture draw you back into a different era (the Indians themselves will speak to you in French before they will attempt English here). I ended up staying about five days or so, which would have been longer if I hadn’t had a due date in Goa. I would walk to the seawall for my morning coffee on the beach, watching the sun climb its heights in the sky over the Bay of Bengal…being a westcoaster I’m used to watching the sun dip into the ocean, so this was new for me. Then I would make my way to the Sri Aurobindo ashram for a while, they allow the public to sit in silence in their stunning courtyard. Somewhere through the day I would end up having tea with my “landlady” who didn’t speak any English, so we relied on my polite French anecdotes (which don’t amount to much). She was born and raised in India, but of Vietnamese descent, she spoke French and wore a Sari…so I spent quite a bit of time looking at her (as she did me).
I left Pondicherry, too soon, but right on time. Took the train to Mysore which is where I had planned to be but cut it a few days short. I was due in Goa, and as it was December, there was zero possibility of hopping a train, so I bussed to Mangalore and taxied to Goa….that my friends, was an adventure in itself. And so, by plane, train and automobile I made it to Goa from Bali. And I honestly don’t know the point of sharing this story other than that man’s toothless smile from all those years ago, came to my heart the other day. Maybe that’s the point, that kindness lasts. May he be well.
]]>One of my great teachers once said “If you want to reach for the stars, it is essential that the Soul learns through experience”. The richness that is brought to our experiences through Yoga, is so deep and so true and so vast, it is a universe unto itself. Sounds a bit dramatic, even as I write it. But how can it be anything other? Life, itself, is magical. To put the first Limb of yoga into practice will change things about your Life because the Yoga system changes Your system. You won’t be the same. The Yamas and Niyamas can’t do anything but change you by changing how you choose to see things and experience them. It shakes everything up, it stirs it all up, it loosens it all, it shifts what was reality and a habitual way of treading through life, whether any of it or all of it was learned or self-taught. Practicing the First Limb of Yoga will have you reassessing what is useful to you now, what is really relevant, and what hinders. It’s like a juice detox cleaning out the system of the mind. This is why it is essential to begin at the beginning, to establish a foundation in the practice like having our feet on the mat.
The Yamas and Niyamas being the First Limb of the Eightfold path, are therefore, as our feet are to asana practice….this is our rooted foundation from which everything else unfolds. Every asana engages some muscles actively while others are at ease and passive; likewise, with the Yamas and Niyamas, some are more active in a given situation while others ease back…until it’s time to activate the passive and release those which have been active. This means learning to observe whatever serves as the appropriate stabilizer in any given moment, but always from the foundation. We trust this type of grounding because it is our bedrock…this serves our commitment through fear, while we shake and shimmy through what can be a turbulent practice. Then, at last, sensing the inner calm. Putting the commitment into our practice of the Yamas and Niyamas as we do our asana practice, eventually guides us into the meditation, the peace and freedom that follows any emotional turbulence that moves through as we establish a new norm. So often we feel happier after asana practice because we feel physically lighter and move with more agility…same with the affect of the Yamas and Niyamas on the mind…we feel happier and more at ease mentally, and in the heart.
Like picking them up off the dusty shelves, practicing the Yamas and Niyamas activates them, they begin showing their life, they begin to resonate within you they become living, breathing qualities. They infuse your life with their essence and this is the embodied practice of them. From this point we’ll resonate with their message in layers of understanding and wisdom because they are alive now. We’ve elevated our experience by a notch or two (or more), where the magical connection with Life begins. We’re more in tune, more aligned, the division between the man-made world and Life thins.
It’s so important to walk Ahimsa alongside our practice, so practice it and practice it well. Ahimsa reveals itself in layers and will never force you to practice more than you’re ready for. The only surprise might be that you’re ready for more than you realized. This is where the discomfort is, and this is where your relationship with the Yamas and Niyamas is essential, so you can lean into them with all your trust to get you through. The truth is, you will consider backing out when you hit those edges, as we do when we want to slightly ease out of an asana posture when it starts to challenge us. We’re tempted to cheat here, but the Yamas and Niyamas will hold us in line, because through them, we’ve become more of who we are. So we stay the course. We stay the course because innately that’s what we do, innately we’re reliable, and accountable, and trustworthy, and courageous enough to see things through. These principles are just helping us to rediscover this.
Always be guided by Ahimsa we’ll remember our purpose when the shaking and quivering begins. This shaking is the awe and reverence for the practice; staying the course through this demonstrates our deep respect, not only for ourselves but the practice of Yoga. Practicing the First Limb will make us tremble as we hold true, as anything that is sacred and loving will do. This is where we feel our awe for the practice and what it gives back to us when we commit to the path and all it holds. This is how it gives back, by holding our hand whispering, “I’m here with you”. So lean on them into greater awareness of self, into greater enlightenment of how you fit into all that is; and revealing that you do indeed have a purpose in being here, and that it is your duty to honour that purpose and fulfill it the best you can while you’re here. The Yamas and Niyamas won’t leave you once you are in the habit of remembering them, and how they serve you in the way that you serve them. The First Limb is a system worked progressively; yet as you work them, you begin to see how they fold into one another as though separate but one at the same time.
One caveat, be wary of “Oh I got that”, never lose respect for step one; guaranteed there will be a slip, because the Yamas and Niyamas are bigger than we are, and if we lose that respect for them we lose the practice. They guide us toward our Being, if not into our Being…it’s what got you where you are now…there is always more to learn from returning to the basics. There is such great value within step one, as it reveals more each time we return with the new wisdom and knowledge gained from the steps which follow…which all emerged from step one. Never be too arrogant or too good for step one because it is reflected all around us on a daily basis. Each moment is a new opportunity to step onto that platform and be supported to grow into greater wisdom, compassion, and understanding…a connection to the unity. We have the willingness then to do good…which we often forget when we’re so stressed that we drop the steps. We become self-absorbed in stress, and often do harm in those times. But if we’ve practiced the steps during easier times, the practice will unfold more naturally during times of stress.
We have to know that we are resourceful and the Yamas and Niyamas bring to light that we are…but we have to practice. Life will become lighter, but we need to commit to the practice. Never lose respect for step one because you never know when you’re going to need it.
From the First Limb you will live your life differently because you will approach Life differently. You won’t be able to go back…because you won’t want to.
]]>The wonderfulness of the First Limb of Yoga, comes from its capacity to be life changing as it unfolds through us. Its very structure (known as the Yamas and Niyamas) offers us freedom. The anchor that this structure provides means we have the space to be Ourselves, through gaining the trust in knowing our frame of reference. And this is one of integrity. Adhering to this practice engages us in an awareness, and this awareness brings freedom.
The First Limb of Yoga provides a boundary to respect and requires our discipline. Which, in itself means, the freedom from being consistently distracted by our mental and emotional whims. It’s beautiful really, because the Yamas and Niyamas allow us to come into right alignment with our lives, which is what’s necessary to fulfill our dreams. They shield us from the persistent wandering into directions we wouldn’t decide upon, had they been given proper consideration. The longer we carry the awareness of the Yamas and Niyamas within our minds, we will eventually surrender to practice, unable to deny their presence and call any longer. As interaction begins, introductions are politely made…you to them, them to you. You feel each other out, working out the hesitancies and suspicions. You might start by saying “Ok Ahimsa, let’s see what you can do”…and so the relationship begins.
Gradually, growing in responsibility of working the practice, we shift to what it’s really about: “Ok, what can I do? Who am I in this new way?” It becomes a reflection on what we can do for the practice. Unwittingly, we’ve gained a great respect and honour. Over time, this practice comes alive with its own momentum, and there is no going back. Suddenly, you’re on a new road and it’s the Yamas and Niyamas which led you there. The growing gratitude and compassion is merely a fortunate result.
So, let’s start at the beginning, with Ahimsa, the yogic practice of non-harming, the practice which walks along side all other practices. Whether a first timer or an old hand, it’s always a great idea to (re)visit “step one”…of any practice. Ahimsa is the first of Yoga’s ethical practice of the Yamas, and is really the most beautiful practice, the more we interact with it. We come to feel better about ourselves, better about what we feel we have to offer, and better about how we’re treating others. There are the more obvious forms of violence in our world, and as most of us don’t take those kinds of actions, we perceive ourselves a non-violent. But violence is many fold and is often woven into our day without our even realizing it. If we can tune in to these subtler acts of violence, we will begin to notice the daily impact on ourselves and on others. The realization will come more by freeing ourselves up of the violence than by thinking how bad we are for our violent actions, to self and to others. The more we free ourselves from the violence the more options our true nature will provide, to come forward.
People often ask about anger, and how it relates to Ahimsa. Many people in our world unfortunately resort to violence as their only means of expressing anger (mentally, verbally, physically). But anger is not necessarily synonymous with violence. And it is our role to work the violence out of the anger, so anger can be expressed justifiably. It is true and hopefully the aim of most, to be able to express anger in an emotionally mature manner. To experience and express anger in a way that we can sit with the emotion and bring reason to it, then communicating the emotion toward understanding in some way. Giving anger and its relation to Ahimsa such little space in this post is not meant to simplify this issue, but it is an entire topic on its own. Righteous anger expressed respectfully and appropriately is not necessarily a contributor toward Himsa (violence). From this practice, the quality of judgement softens, and/or we don’t rely on it with such haste. We naturally grow in our compassion and empathy because of the empowerment that the choice of Ahimsa provides. Because, practicing Ahimsa is a choice…which we realize when we slow down to consider the consequence of what we’re about to do. These are characteristics of being in right alignment with ourselves, as mentioned earlier. We begin to become aware of how like our fellow man we actually are and we recognize the absurdity of aggression; we soon see aggression’s dominance in society. From where do humans feel it’s necessary for that kind of dominance really? And so, we grow in our self-confidence through Ahimsa. It provides a choice, and it increases our experience of the interconnectedness of all of Life. We begin to experience that Life itself is actually gentle. Life doesn’t require the force of aggression that humans seem to feel is appropriate. The gentleness of Life is fluid and opens our perceptions, which folds into increased Ahimsa. At this point, the layers of violent behaviour start to become more perceptible, and our tolerance of the subtle forms lessens to that of the more extreme…because we see how they feed each other.
Through Ahimsa, we require more from ourselves. Stopping violent or harmful behaviour creates a space to be filled by something intelligent…because violence is not founded on intelligence. Compassion is a critical aspect of Ahimsa; not only investing it in to the practice, but the way it expands as a result of the practice. Ahimsa is internally disruptive, no doubt…because it shifts the old ways. But we can’t let ourselves be distracted by that. We can’t fall into the churning waves of the Self’s pity party of how awful we’ve been. Instead, we continue with the practice, through the discomfort into what unfolds out from that. It’s here that we find the freedom of compassion and of forgiveness…taking right action from there.
]]>We can spend years chasing after it instead of Being it, completely unaware that this is what we’re doing. When at last we hear that first flicker of our heart’s desire, we can become so overjoyed, that we begin to chase after it in the same vein that we chased life before this new awareness. We don’t even know we’re chasing it because we didn’t know we were chasing life to begin with…it was just the only way we knew. Often, we’ll try to use the same skills we used before our heart’s revelation, but they don’t usually apply here. The heart isn’t something to be chased because it is already here, it is already us, it is already our Mastery…and it operates in an entirely different realm.
If there is anything new about this, it is the changed perspective that this is who we are. All that needs development is the being with that, not the finding it. The practice comes to be about giving the heart that space of silence, so it can increasingly come forward into our awareness. We confirm it by listening to it, and we bring it to life by acting on it….so instead of chasing, embody. Because we are literally bringing it to life…like resuscitating something that had been left dormant. And dormant is very different from dead or non-existent. We honour our very Being by activating this heart’s message. It so often feels like such a flicker at first simply because we’ve never developed it before. By developing this, the heart’s call grows in strength and volume, to where it lives us, and emanates from us. There is no chasing in that.
This is a way not often sought after, so there is not really a guidebook. Your heart is the only one that knows the way, and the guidebook begins with the understanding that this is where you’ve landed. You’ve landed in the heart and it is very, very different terrain, so it needs to be navigated in a completely different way. This is where the learning lies, this teaches us how to Be it. Step by step, gem by gem, taking that quiet walk along a very palpable yet unexplored path. Follow the gems that seem so quiet within the clutter of mass irrelevance which has been accumulated over time. This takes wisdom and it does take Grace…Grace while we face frustrations and fears of the learning, and of applying ourselves in a very different way. We’ve moved way out of the box of familiarity.
Selecting what is of value to the heart develops discernment. This is a depth of wisdom not commonly applied in the mainstream way. Initially, this can take huge effort to energize, simply due to the necessary weeding through heaps of information we have accumulated. It is this accumulation which is truly the overwhelm, witnessing where the stray bullets have landed, and coming to heal those or remove them. Now comes the time of allowing that heart’s call through all of that information, becoming familiar with how it speaks to you, how to read its signals and how to hear it. Here there is no overwhelm and no fear because the focus has become hearing and listening, rather than a focus on the enormity of the mundane which has become our reality. The focus has turned into developing a new skill and applying it, rather than looking at ALL we’ve been fed, and believing there is something lost in dropping that. What if you consider that your heart’s desire is not new, that it has been there all along, and is therefore, the most familiar thing in the world now that you’ve heard it. Anything seemingly alien or feared, is merely how it contrasts with your life up until that moment.
It’s natural to fatigue in any new practice, but this is not to be confused with defeat or giving up…it’s the fatigue from being driven by passion. Regularly checking in with “am I ready” makes it easier for the ego to join the journey…because sometimes we legitimately feel that we aren’t ready for the next step that is revealed. Our essence, our heart is ready, always has been…but sometimes we need to slow down to catch up with what has always been there. Being true to that authentic check-in “am I ready”, usually reaffirms that yes, indeed we are. So, look, look within the mass of useless information that has collected within from the outside world, and sift out the gems that are shining and pick those up. The overwhelm comes from assuming that ALL that is there is useful, or needs to be applied, or changed, or something. In reality we’re just seeing clearly all that has been ingested, a lot of which is useless to our heart’s aim. The reality of the heart is usually simple, clear, and quiet…that information is never too much, and it is brought forward in ingestible amounts. What is true is simple, clean, and clear, and the more we acquaint ourselves with it, deliberately look for it, and at it, the easier it becomes to decipher the heart’s message in the mass of garbage that we collect internally, simply by walking through a day in society. Take that slow time each day to learn how to best distinguish your gems and how to hold them and nourish them into your daily existence. This brings a seemingly slowness in time, simply because it doesn’t move at the same crazy pace of information we’ve grown accustomed to collecting….and just because we’ve grown accustomed to it doesn’t qualify it as fitting.
The heart reveals the gems as timing is right…not before and not after. This is because there is Honour in this way, there is Respect and there is Integrity. It’s in the acknowledgement of these gems that reveals more and develops strength. This gaining of strength makes it easier to see the gems amongst the bramble.
When you come to see this with such clarity you begin to wonder how you missed it all along…but how could you not miss it, given the amount of distracting information we’re force fed each and every day. It’s a constant rush of what we don’t need. When we’ve never been taught how to keep the unnecessary at bay, to simply observe it all, and instead tread that soft unbroken path of the heart, then of course we’re going to believe this onslaught is real and that it’s who we are, and what we think, and what we believe. No doubt we’ll take that in as us. How could it be otherwise if we’ve never been taught? It’s up to us to shift, because we can’t stay that way. There does come a time when it is up to us to recognize this and to do something about it. The time to take the reigns in our lives and discipline our practice, led by our own light. Like any muscle, exercising discernment, is not easy at first because it’s rarely given credence in today's world, but the more it’s applied and put it into practice, the stronger it becomes.
I went to a street vendour and bought a few samosa, some pakora and a bottle of water, then I went into the pharmacy to buy a bar of soap. I brought these to the man, thinking maybe he could use the soap to wash his legs at some point in time, if he could gather the strength to do it. As I lay the packages beside him, his foggy eyes moved slowly, giving me a distant, sideways glance. I carried on with my errands, later returning to my scooter the way I had come. The man had eaten the food I had left, but was now eating the bar of soap as well. I stopped (and I stop again now as I write this), my heart and guts fell to the ground, tears welled in my eyes, what had I done? This man was literally dying in the midst of a crowd, and I had given him a bar of soap to eat. I cried (literally cried) as I went about my next two days following…I just couldn’t stop. When I told two Indian friends my story, each shared their Indian perception…they offered a perspective that my Western mind wouldn’t have been able to conjure up on its own.
The point of sharing this story is, that I have traveled to India a number of times now (each being a stretch of a few months), and every time I go, the journey teaches me something utterly mind bending. Will I ever feel I’ve learned about Indian culture? I have no idea. But my point is, we can’t know an experience like this until we are in it, living it, and hopefully, open to receive what Life is giving us in such moments…it’s these irreplaceable marks in time that mature us, that further engrain compassion, and make us wiser.
Many foreigners travel to India, taking their body but leaving their Souls at home. They’ve “been there” or “learned yoga” there…many say they have lived there for years…but often keep themselves protected by the walls of a foreign owned retreat center, interacting for the most part, with other foreigners who visit their center, and befriending other expats who live in the region…thinking they know Indian culture simply because they employ Indians.
I’ve been asked by a number of people these past months, what I would recommend or advise about traveling India. And I’ve come to say that an authentic journey in India is immensely personal, it’s not a check list of sites seen, yoga learned, gurus heard, ashrams to boast about…it’s a personal exploration which begins at home…finding your own way and your own experience…this is what I did, no one prepared me…and it’s the most Soulful calling to India.
This in itself is Yoga. Finding yourself in the complete unknown is the real practice of Yoga.
I was inspired to write about this because of a post on social media. The woman wrote that two weeks of her yoga teacher training were “done”. Please, never think that you’re “done”. Please know that an authentic yogic path will never be “done”…it bleeds into all of life….nourishing and washing away.
Just as a journey through India, a Yoga teacher training is not an item to mark off your checklist. Please know dear yoga students, the yogic training lasts a lifetime….it never stops…you will always be a student of yoga. The decision to commit to a teacher training should be recognized as an initiation into a lifelong commitment of respect for self, for others, for all that is….and we disrespect this practice and back out of the commitment, when we view our YTT as a checklist item, just something to do and then walk beyond. We’re far more blessed if we honour our commitment than if we choose to back out of it…where we choose instead greater interest in our chipped nail polish, while chewing on a bubble of gum, pondering a fresh colour, saying “ya I’m a yoga teacher now”. Feel the inspiration to step on that road, but get those feet on the ground and keep walking.
Yoga teachers benefit their students more when they’re willing to admit it’s still a practice for them. The rocks on that road are more frequently stones and boulders, than pebbles….and that road isn’t paved and smooth, with a patent all weather safety film atop it. No, this is a dirt road and it’s messy…because it’s Life, it’s You, it’s all of us. Some places are firm where you wish it were soft, and sometimes so sinkingly soft you’re trudging to break free.
But, when you see those breaks in the clouds up ahead, beaming the freshest of crisp sunlight, stand tall and love them. Look at that sky with eyes closed and smiling reverence…breath it in, absorb it, let it refresh you. With gratitude learn from even the beautiful moments, because you know the grey mist of rain will come again. It will torrent again.
Do you have the yogic skills to continue walking, to continue listening to what that road whispers to you? Those skills that teach you that amidst your own private burdens, to still feel deeply and compassionately for all Beings. Looking back only if it’s to be grateful for what it has taught you.
*image by james jordan
The Scottish Pipers of the World Wars ran out into vast open fields, unprotected, armed only with their instruments of war, their sole purpose being to lead armed soldiers into battle. No one was ahead of them to lead…from where did they draw their courage? They had to take it themselves. These men were the front line of battle, because it was from them that the soldiers drew their courage.
Are we capable in today’s world of finding courage within…when so much supports a lazy, uninspired, effortless lifestyle? Is there even a need for courage in our daily lives anymore? Yes! Just as ever before. Can we examine this within our own selves…our behaviours and reactions when courage taps us on the shoulder…because it’s usually a fleeting experience when we are accustomed to denying it.
The yogic asana of Warrior 2 is designed to fuel courage, by sustaining the pose through the discomfort. Anyone who has ever practiced this pose knows how uncomfortable it can be.
Alas, the majority of people wriggle their way out of it…or better yet, never rest fully into it. But can we use this pose instead, as a way of becoming familiar with our response to courage within ourselves? Do we really want to back out in the end, and betray what we know most deeply.
If the men and women of war had the courage to face fear day in and day out, do we have the courage to sustain a yoga practice, or do we slack out of it because it’s so uncomfortable…or even before it becomes uncomfortable? Imagine, if we could find courage within discomfort for even a few moments longer, what we could develop…the courage to be kind, the courage to love and to find answers, the courage to take ownership of ourselves as individuals, the courage to be gentle. The courage to make this a better world.
So let’s sustain Warrior 2, through the tremors of that burning courage that often becomes squelched in tension. Instead allowing the ancient rise of prana, of our calling…too often avoided by a simple habitual strangle of tensed neck and shoulder muscles. Even the jaw begins to clench. Do we have the courage to settle into that tremoring burn as it rises. With trust, with breath, with prayer even. This isn’t insurmountable. Yet sweat begins to blister from our pores, and maybe the veins begin to throb in the temples, but we will make it, we will survive this reactive panic, because we’re not dying…instead, we’re feeling, we’re growing, we’re being human…and we’re meant to feel it, release it, and ease into it. The settling in to the pose is what actually draws us upward into the confident stance that Warrior 2 is.
Warrior 2 is such a grounding pose for this type of anxious energy. We are meant to rest solid in the support of our legs, establishing our footing with full stability so that we CAN ground. Without a foothold we float and hover in the pose, making all improper use of it. We would really rather straighten that front leg, we really want to, with everything we have we want to straighten it, scrambling to find relief. Instead, sink down, face the pose head on, hover more deeply, reach in to that central fire in the belly, draw the outer edge of that back foot even more onto the mat…stabilize. Trust. Establish the feet…the lengthening of the body will come from that…this is the authentic “relief” from the pose. It’s here that the warrior’s courage can rise, having faced defeat. Defeat from wanting to rise before it’s time…and using all (wrong) muscles to do so.
As we sustain, the spine will want to reach upward because that lifeforce has been given freedom again to flow upward. The prana then, begins to pool at the heart, which gives that softness to the shoulders, the dynamic ease of the outstretched arms, so the heart can beam right through your fingertips. From here, through open palms and spread fingers we find the freedom of courage…to follow through on our own heart’s calling toward a better world.
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"Everything owes its existence solely and completely to sound."
--from Cymatics by Nigel Stanford
Words understood by all great traditions, I wonder whether we comprehend how true the above quote actually is.
Years ago I read the timeless book “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz. Those of you who have read it will know that the First Agreement is: "Be Impeccable with your Word” - which we'll often try to do in prayer and mantra, otherwise it seems a mostly forgotten practice. Would the agony of trying to find just the right words for our prayers be relieved, if we attempted such an exercise in our daily exchanges? And if we practiced more frequently, would we be better at upholding our words when intensity increases?
This video by Nigel Stanford reminded me of the First Agreement, as well as an experience I had in India. Sitting on the cold stone floor is as pronounced in my memory as the experience itself for some reason. I had been taking a Mantra and Yogic Philosophy course at an ashram in northern India at the time; and all of us taking the class were fully consumed, leaning in to every grace filled word that Mataji was teaching. But now we had just recited a mantra through the 108 beads of the mala before dropping into meditation. And this was the experience: the space around me was undeniably filled with the 108 repetitions. I could feel my words as a palpable structure around me. This was a breathtaking moment for me. I learned right then and right there, the power of speaking. What we choose to say, and how we say it, it becomes real - sound as the bridge from the unseen to the seen.
Toward the end of Stanford's video, the vibrations become increasingly intense, and we see the musicians adding a protective layer, isn’t this what we reach for when words become intense between people? Though an imaginary cloak, we do reach for it. When words become harsh and are entangled with another, we shield ourselves - the real impact of words coming from their creative force, not only from sound but their structure too.
If we understand that we have a choice in what we say, then we also understand that we don’t really have an excuse to blurt out whatever toxic thing slithers off the tongue, not really. At this point in time are we willing to stop shooting bullets from our mouths…to reel the line in a bit and make what we say a personal challenge, before we begin addressing the bigger picture?
As an individual, how do we make it possible to listen to the words we speak? Is there a chance to speak more thoughtfully, so that we're familiar with doing so in the heat of the moment - to hold our words back long enough to consider the impact of what those words will create? Do we have the patience to slow down our inner reaction time, to give what we're about to say some consideration. Or, are we more attached to the whimsy of relieving ourselves in the moment, without a care for cause and effect. What if we were able to listen to our own self, to develop our internal dialogue, so we can speak things that are liberating rather than binding? How much impact would this have on creating both the personal and collective worlds we want to live in?
Anger isn't a reason to absolve ourselves of integrity - that's always a choice - and we'll find it intimately connected to listening with integrity. This is the heart's domaine. Most people won't speak from here… it’s vulnerable. Eventually, the vulnerability we perceive turns out to be the very backbone of our Being. If we’re going to repeat ourselves over and over and over again, then let’s challenge ourselves to speak courageously - that doesn't mean it's pretty, easy and comfortable, it can be quite ugly; but, it's respectful toward yourself and the other. Are you up for the challenge of listening to your own words, knowing that sometimes they are uglier than others, some moments our best isn’t as pretty as other moments, and it can be exhausting; but, are you willing to shift reality from the unseen?
Vanessa
*image by jandre van der walt on unsplash
]]>Savasana is such an integral pose in a yoga class (as a teacher I witness it almost as a sacred integration time). It’s the assimilation of and the experience of, all the energy we worked and worked through, in the asanas which led up to Savasana. And yet, I’m so often perplexed at how common it is to offer only two or three minutes of Savasana (lucky if we get five) “at the end of class”…it’s not a pose which is considered part of the class. It’s squeezed in, before the mayhem of rolling up mats, packing up bags, and hitting the road back to work, or whatever is next in our lives.
Often at the beginning of class, teachers will ask the students what they might like to work on…many lively suggestions for shoulder openers, hip openers, inversions, even scorpion(!) come rolling forward…but rarely have I heard someone request to practice Savasana…and if someone does, chuckling will cross the room, as though it can’t be a pose taken seriously enough for practice.
A long Savasana is critical to a good yoga class. Some people fall asleep, and others are still whirling in their minds, restless in whatever they’re thinking about; but a long Savasana (hopefully 10-15 minutes) allows that time needed, for the breath to rustle through those last edgy bits, before a person’s entire being can settle into the floating space of that stillness of Savasana; that experience of being whole in mind, body, and spirit. I practice with a teacher in India who always says, if you want to meditate, practice Savasana.
Savasana heals deeply, and it ties together all the pieces of a yoga class. Without it, we walk away from a class feeling somewhat off, in a way we might not have words for but in a way of knowing something isn’t quite complete. Unfortunately, it’s easy to shrug this sensation off, as we busy ourselves with what we’ve planned next; but that doesn’t make it right….it makes it the same as what we often do in life…shrug off something which isn’t quite settling in or sitting right. I don’t believe yoga class should leave us feeling in that way. There is already too much of ignoring our own Being in the world. We usually walk into an asana practice somewhat fragmented from our day, it doesn’t make sense to leave a class feeling the same way as when we came in.
Savasana is a pose which we don’t have to “Do”, it’s one which we consciously allow (“consciously” is the “doing”). Allowing ourselves to receive relaxation is not a habit we’re used to. Even the most active mind ultimately surrenders to Savasana if given the time to do it. Give yourself a chance to honour Savasana and the time you spend there. Receive its benefits, its offering, and all that it’s doing for you. So when you get up from your mat, you can carry it with you.
“By relaxation of all strain in the yoga posture,
there is a merging with the infinite.”
– Yoga Sutras of Patanjali 2:47
When I came across Lauren’s poem I was taken into another world. But it’s a world that is more true. The poem is so deeply honouring of a woman’s heart, and the innate desire women carry to be emotionally generous. And it is so honouring of the sensitivity of men:
If you want to change the world, love a man; really love him
Choose the one whose soul calls to yours clearly; who sees you; who is brave enough to be afraid
Accept his hand and guide him gently to your hearts blood
Where he can feel your warmth upon him and rest there
And burn his heavy load in your fires
Look into his eyes; look deep within and see what lies dormant or awake or shy or expectant there
Look into his eyes and see there his fathers and grandfathers and all the wars and madness their spirits fought in some distant land, some distant time
Look upon their pains and struggles and torments and guilt; without judgment.
And let it all go
Feel into his ancestral burden
And know that what he seeks is safe refuge in you
Let him melt in your steady gaze
And know that you need not mirror that rage
Because you have a womb, a sweet, deep gateway to wash and renew old woundsIf you want to change the world, love a man, really love him
Sit before him, in the full majesty of your woman in the breath of your vulnerability
In the play of your child innocence in the depths of your death
Flowering invitation, softly yielding, allowing his power as a man
To step forward towards you…and swim in the Earth’s womb, in silent knowing, together
And when he retreats…because he will…flees in fear to his cave…
Gather your grandmothers around you…envelope in their wisdoms
Hear their gentle shusshhhed whispers,
calm your frightened girls’ heart
Urging you to be still…and wait patiently for his return
Sit and sing by his door, a song of remembrance,
that he may be soothed, once moreIf you want to change the world, love a man, really love him
Do not coax out his little boy
With guiles and wiles and seduction and trickery
Only to lure him…to a web of destruction
To a place of chaos and hatred
More terrible than any war fought by his brothers
This is not feminine this is revenge
This is the poison of the twisted lines
Of the abuse of the ages, the rape of our world
And this gives no power to woman it reduces her as she cuts off his balls
And it kills us all
And whether his mother held him or could not
Show him the true mother now
Hold him and guide him in your grace and your depth
Smoldering in the center of the Earth’s core
Do not punish him for his wounds that you think don’t meet your needs or criteria
Cry for him sweet rivers
Bleed it all back homeIf you want to change the world, love a man, really love him
Love him enough to be naked and free
Love him enough to open your body and soul to the cycle of birth and of death
And thank him for the opportunity
As you dance together through the raging winds and silent woods
Be brave enough to be fragile and let him drink in the soft, heady petals of your being
Let him know he can hold you stand up and protect you
Fall back into his arms and trust him to catch you
Even if you’ve been dropped a thousand times before
Teach him how to surrender by surrendering yourself
And merge into the sweet nothing, of this worlds’ heartIf you want to change the world, love a man, really love him
Encourage him, feed him, allow him, hear him, hold him, heal him
And you, in turn, will be nourished and supported and protected
By strong arms and clear thoughts and focused arrows
Because he can, if you let him, be all that you dream
If you want to love a man,
love yourself, love your father, love your brother, your son, your ex-partner;
from the first boy you kissed, to the last one you wept over
Give thanks for the gifts; of your unraveling to this meeting
Of the one who stands before you now
And find in him the seed to all that’s new and solar
A seed that you can feed to help direct the planting
To grow a new world, together
–by Lauren Wilce
]]>There is such vulnerability and power in understanding this…that we’re standing on the mat alone. The truth is, that without the props (which can tangle our minds in distraction while we figure out how to use them) we will begin to naturally find the pose IF, and when we’re ready to slow down enough to be still and hear our own voice. We are intelligent beings and this is so easily forgotten….no matter what props we are using in life. We need to have enough faith to test our inner intelligence in order for it to stretch and grow. Being flexible enough to adjust when it’s clear that we need to.
There is intelligence within stillness, from which we unfold in whatever capacity. When we give way to that stillness, we gain the intelligent use of props, deciphering when is the appropriate time to use them and which ones are appropriate to use…allowing them to help us help ourselves. This is far different from relying on them, being distracted by them, and getting tangled up in them.
From this place of stillness (equally intelligence) we take the inner aggression out of our Asana practice…the aggression and therefore the violence, toward ourselves in whatever way we’ve personally chosen to push ourselves beyond capacity, or not push ourselves at all (as laziness is as violent as aggression).
So, next time you’re on your mat, give yourself a chance to feel that exquisite softness of vulnerability of it just being you on your mat reaching into your stillness. Find your way through your practice, understanding the personal strength gained from being on your own mat, stretching that vulnerability into wisdom.
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"May life go to immortal life, and the body go to ashes. OM. O my soul, remember past strivings, remember! O my soul, remember past strivings, remember!”
In her book, Letters from the Yoga Masters, Marion includes this prayer from the Isha Upanishad, which reminds us that “the yoga Masters claim that if you are drawn to yoga in this life, it is likely that the seeds of knowledge were planted in a past life”. These excerpts are from the first three chapters of Marion’s book which were a privilege for me to read as they didn’t make it off the editorial chopping block. These three chapters were such a soulful reflection of her journey to finding her Guru Dr. Hari Dickman.
Through her writings, Marion (known as Mugs) has literally saved a lineage of yoga which otherwise would have been lost to history; Hari was highly respected in India, but he was virtually unknown in the West. “The teachings that Hari imparted upon me then,” says Marion, “have been deepening in their meaning over the years and I realize they are passed down from many of the great yoga Masters we only hear about today. This incredible unfolding in my life humbles me. As the copies of my letters fade I am driven to share at least some of this direct and personal wisdom with others so it continues to be passed on.” So, you see, as was their relationship, so too the book seems to have been destined, to reach the hearts of those who find it.
Marion intuitively found her path to yoga, at a very young age. Whether she had the words for what she was following didn’t matter; she had the innate ability to respect the strong call of her Being. As written by Marion, ”rarely do we clearly perceive what the true result of a desire will look like, but it becomes clearer as the events unfold. Somewhere deeply planted within my being was the seed of desire to become a yogini. Even without knowing what a yogini was the seed was there within me, and as my life unfolded the pathway opened up for me to follow. Was this coincidence, or wisdom from a past life setting the stage for this one?” Her fated relationship with her teacher Dr. Hari Dickman tells the story.
Marion’s intimate relationship with yoga began as a search which seemed simple enough, arising as a pursuit for ballet lessons, “for as far back as I can remember I wanted to practice ballet…I begged my mother to let me take ballet lessons, but the teacher would not let anyone in class until they were five years old. I pleaded and begged for what seemed an eternity, until finally the teacher let me in when I was four.” Then for the next ten years she “danced continuously in the living room, in the yard, and on stage, performing for anyone and no one.”
By the 1970’s, in her mid-teens, Marion’s ballet interest had waned…her new “quest” was meditation. She felt this pull to meditate came “from the deep inner peace I found when I danced…moving from leaping and flying through the air to complete stillness.” Surprisingly, her neighbor practiced meditation….but, to Marion’s disappointment, she would need to wait for a teacher who could initiate her…but, what she could do was begin yoga with her! “I was a little disappointed with her offer as this was not the goal I had in mind. I had no idea what this yoga was, but decided I may as well look into it in case it might be a suitable substitution until I could learn how to meditate.“ At age 19, Marion was finally able to attend a presentation on Maharishi Mahesh Yogi’s system of Transcendental Meditation, eventually leading her to receive her mantra.
At last! In her 20’s, and in Australia, yoga was beginning to take shape as a formed practice in her life! I don’t know that Marion sees it that way, but I feel my excitement about her reaching this stage of her life comes from my anticipation of her soon to meet Hari (though in reality of her life process, she still had a ways to go). Step forward a few years, and through a round about way, via links in Australia, Mugs came in touch with a woman in the UK who recommended a Dr. Hari Dickman as someone who might be willing to teach her! (perhaps this is where my “at last” should be inserted). “I had been practicing yoga constantly for over four years and meditating for nearly two. I needed direction. I felt inspired, but wanted guidance. I did not know where to take my yoga practice, although a deep yearning for more kept burning inside me. I had no idea of the possibilities that lay before me; I just knew I needed to go “there,” wherever “there” was. I immediately wrote to Dr. Dikmanis”…the rest is history so to say.
She wrote to Hari without knowing what she wanted to ask him (I love this because this is something I would do)…he replied letting her know to keep in touch, but that she wasn’t quite ready as a student yet…she needed a greater foundation or framework for him to work with. So, she studied classical Hatha in the Bahamas for a few months (at his suggestion) and later they got to work together on her studies, in San Francisco. It was Marion’s determination which fulfilled that destined bond of their work together. “My knowledge of yoga had expanded dramatically over the past months (at the ashram), so we now conversed on a much deeper level using completely different terminology. All this time I had wanted to study with Hari, but I was not ready. I had no foundation, no terminology or basis of knowledge in yoga. How could Hari teach me? This was why he sent me to Swami Vishnudevananda—to get the basics so he could impart upon me the deeper teachings. The guru can only give to the student what she is able to receive, and if the student cannot even speak the language, then that must be learned first.” I also see Hari’s stillness (as he was living in one place at this stage of life) was as much about finding Mugs as was her movement to find him…that ever infused connection of movement and stillness in yoga.
Written from such immense respect in memory of Dr. Dickman, Mugs told me that she feels it was her Dharma to share his work. This reverence for a teacher, and the potential brought to a student, is an initiation which I don’t know that we get to experience anymore as we mass produce yoga teachers.
Her book is such a deep hearted reflection of a traditional student/teacher relationship which was once considered the only way in yoga, but is now rapidly on the decline. Mugs dove deeply into the research of this book (some of which was stolen at one point, only by grace did she receive copies of the letters again), finding teachers past and present within Dr. Dickman’s varied yogic lineage. The book is intimate in its sharing of the actual words of true Yoga Masters, containing letters which were sent to Hari (who lived in the US) from Indian teachers. This book is a truly unique opportunity to read. And an increasingly rare insight into yoga.
Hari said, “Hatha Yoga leads us to Raja Yoga…his guidance helped me to not feel guilty when I wasn’t doing asana every day, but to appreciate the fact that I was drawn from the outer limbs toward the inner limbs of yoga.”
Any student would be privileged to learn from Marion, as she is such a rare gem! SOYA, her yoga school located in the stunning reaches of British Columbia’s Okanagan region, offers RYS registered teacher trainings at the 200 and 300 hour levels, equalling a 500 hour certification. Marion is “completely dedicated to yoga, like someone who devotes their life to anything, it’s completely inseparable from how she thinks, acts, eats, it encompasses her entire Being. It’s the only thread of consistency through her entire life as it’s the root of all her actions and thinking…it’s her soul’s journey.”
As yoga is often limited to Asana in the west, Mugs has regularly been approached by students who ask, “How often do you do yoga?—meaning how often am I on my mat doing asana. The truth is, I do yoga pretty much all day every day; I practice all the aspects of yoga, from truthfulness to asana to meditation and chanting, to recognizing those delicious moments of samadhi.”
As in any yoga practice, writing the book brought an array of feelings, but then she would remember “I’m doing this for Hari”. Writing in service to him instilled her confidence. She said that the “finished product of the book and the way it all came together, came through the spiritual journey of it”.
“In heart, mind, and consciousness I want to be a loving person. I was so well treated by Hari, and he was so loving to me.”…Marion
Marion Mugs McConnell is a co-founder and creator of the South Okanagan Yoga Academy and their yoga teacher training programs that have met international standards for over 20 years. You can reach her at www.soyayoga.com
i The Upanishads, Commentary by Juan Mascaro, London: Penguin Books Ltd, 1965, p. 50.
]]>But this observing style of behaviour begins with, or follows, the ability to be still within. To cultivate not only inner stillness, but dynamic inner stillness (rather than just falling asleep) is the practice of Yoga Nidra. Because it is within that stillness that the statement of intent (the Sankalpa) is set…this is powerful and it’s sacred because it comes from the heart. This can’t be done when the mind is fragmented in distraction. Wrapped within the Nidra practice itself, the whispering of the Sankalpa is heard in our stillness because it is a desired shift that our heart longs for. So if the intent with which we enter into the Nidra isn’t the one our heart longs for, then our heart driven Sankalpa will come forward within the Nidra. This is where the initial practice of Yoga Nidra lies.
The follow through to Nidra practice is to stay alert to our daily waking life…this is as significant as being in the Nidra itself. The Sankalpa is active in our lives through the new decisions we start to make which are in alignment with it, no matter how big or small doesn’t matter….size isn’t relevant. Here is the witnessing of life at work, life in process, and it is being allowed to happen through alignment with the decisions being made. It is the stated intention now infused into our waking life. It is the aspect of the practice we carry throughout the day, being attentive to the opportunities which arrive that are in line with the direction of our Sankalpa. The mind in focus backed up by the power of the heart is an unstoppable mix.
My Yoga Nidra teacher Michele (whose profile you can read on the Yoga Teacher page) notes how common it is when beginning a Nidra practice, to begin the practice with a Sankalpa around what we can get in the world…trying to manifest things in life; this will change and develop through practice, to what One can be in the world. It’s not wrong to want to get, but as the Nidra practice becomes more developed so does the prayer (the Sankalpa) become more evolved, more all-encompassing of what the human heart wishes to bring forward….and this can be limitless. Why would we want to limit ourselves to desiring momentary needs.
Our lives can be so filled with distraction that we learn to think in a distracted way. And we approach our Sankalpa in the same way, in a mirror image of being tempted to jump from one Sankalpa to the next as a method of consumption, there is the tendency to want to move fast and multiply. But to nurture an individual Sankalpa we need to focus on one at a time…to realize the sacredness of what we’re bringing forward. Stillness develops this cohesion as well as patience, increasing our ability to choose wisely.
We don’t know how long a Sankalpa will take to be realized, nor whether we’ll give credit to the form in which it arrives if it’s not to our exact specifications. But again be open to the possibility of how it shows up as much as you’re open to the possibility of imagining it in the first place. To move toward that shift we desire in life requires sincere efforts and a lot of heart! Giving time each day to the state of Yoga Nidra trains oneness of mind, bringing forward the true essence of your desired shift in reality.
Becoming more open to the increasing possibilities Yoga Nidra brings can feel vulnerable when not used to it. A vulnerability which we’ll naturally want to protect and can therefore sabotage. We tend to want to control and hold on, to steer the outcome ourselves. In doing this…this pushing forward in anticipation of the new…we often miss its actual arrival. We achieve more to strengthen our Sankalpa by practicing the Yamas and Niyamas in our lives, as the quality of our true heart’s desires mirror the quality embedded within the Yamas and Niyamas and the practice of them. They will lead our dream into reality if we’re willing to commit to the process.
Our minds, hearts, and Beings, will give us time to adapt to the changes life commands of making such a sincere commitment to change…time to consider and work it through. Some discomfort is often necessary….that’s usually the best way to recognize that change is happening. So have faith in your Yoga Nidra practice but give it the time it needs, you’re nurturing a fine wine don’t forget. All of us are challenged at times, to let old negative thinking patterns wash away. It’s discipline to ignore those thoughts when they roll in, and instead to refocus on the new, the way you would ignore the rudeness of anyone…like water off a duck’s back…but then, eventually, you won’t be hearing them at all anymore. Your focus turns elsewhere.
As your Nidra practice evolves so does your way of being with yourself, with others, the world…everything. This changes your world because you become changed… making different choices, behaving differently, responding differently…all of these change your world because you’ve evolved your world and your way of being in it. Yoga Nidra is not a practice to be taken lightly, nor is it a practice of sleep. If we continue to sleep our way through Nidra we miss out on amazing opportunities that we can create for ourselves, for a better way of life, a better quality of life…we miss out on the opportunity to witness ourselves creating reality from thought…and this is an immense confirmation of the power we carry as individuals. Once we know this, there is no stopping us! We then witness power as a positive, we learn that power is our creativity, it’s not about having power over another. Power then becomes fuel and sustenance for bringing our beauty into form so it doesn’t lie dormant within our hearts for a lifetime.
]]>There is so much real freedom, personal power, and confidence that is developed in the practice of Tapas.Generally speaking, most of us have an aversion to self-discipline…in the West in particular. We see this continually demonstrated in coffee shops everywhere as two year olds run directionless, screaming madly, in a flushed-cheek sweat, parents bending down to face level, asking “hey buddy, where do you want to sit?”….at two years of age, being called “buddy” by a parent who wants to show everyone around how fair and friendly they are as they force their toddler to make a family decision on the best place to sit. No wonder we have such an aversion to discipline …we’re afraid to implement it as an appropriate use of guidance, and don’t want to take it on when it feels too big a challenge…hence, we’re set in a habitual pattern of denial around its necessity. Setting this denial as the foundation, we’re losing touch with self-discipline in the West, an increasingly distanced respect for it, to the point we are losing even knowing what it means, and its tremendous benefit to character development.
The practice of Tapas in reality, gives us the gift of choice because we’re not so easily found in a state of overwhelm. It allows us the ability to decipher what we really want from the random grasping of in-the- moment satisfaction. The flip side of self-discipline that most of us don’t venture to consider is that it is beautiful, grace filled, and palpable. I know this because I’ve experienced it. My first awareness of this was during a Hatha yoga class. We were in a plain, four walled room with two windows and a door, located within a simple small hotel, which was situated on the banks of the Ganges in Northern India. The class was being taught by an amazing teacher who requires no show, only practice….and his students are of like-mind. Every day, every inch of this room’s floor is occupied by a student’s yoga mat. The teacher moves through the room using silent guided adjustments (no hands-on), the rest of the student body in the stillness of the current yoga pose. Here the meditation begins. I will always remember that moment with the deepest of respect….that THIS (this moment of unwavering focus) was what all the sweat and tears of Tapas can be about. Discipline within discipline, and it was beautiful!
Self-discipline is perceived in redundant magazine articles suggesting the withdrawal of all food for a thirty day quick diet of nuts and seeds…I mean who wants to do that? And to what benefit or outcome? Perseverance of true Tapas, the daily habit of implementing the little things, makes for a big, strong, beautiful framework to work within….it gives structure to the unknown and the unknowable, which actually means that within the structure of self-discipline we have a lot of freedom. This is because of the skill we acquire from such a practice….it makes us intelligent, meeting appropriate situations with appropriate skills. To know the other side of Tapas, the beautiful aspect of it, we can then sense the nourishment it provides. It’s not a withdrawal or deprivation at all. In fact it’s the opposite. Making Tapas a daily expectation of ourselves means that we have the skill required when life says it’s Go Time…when it hits hard and in a way we didn’t expect. Because we never know when life is going to decide for us, butif we’ve been practicing, then the skill that is required to move through that challenge, or with it, is available to us. We can’t do this if we wait until there is a situation of overwhelm before trying to apply something we’ve never used. So practice when it seems not to matter at all.
This is referring to discipline of whatever, don’t discount anything…whatever it might be for you personally that brings focus, and the refinement of character. Discipline in smaller measure accomplishes greater success over the long haul as it accumulates momentum and power, rather than acting on self-discipline as a castration of self and all good things in life.
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